Comments on: Money issues in marriage – Crucial way it decides your happiness https://www.breezystorm.com/money-issues-in-marriage/ Love forever until death do us part Fri, 18 Jun 2021 10:53:14 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.6.10 By: Mathi https://www.breezystorm.com/money-issues-in-marriage/#comment-9195 Sun, 18 Feb 2018 07:28:14 +0000 https://www.breezystorm.com/?p=5951#comment-9195 In reply to Lavanya.

Lavanya,
I feel bad for you. Your in-laws have no right to behave in this manner to you. There is no need to call mediators for your marriage problems. They will only confuse things as they never really know what is happening in your relationship.
You need not care for your in-laws. They are just your extended family.
But your husband is not understanding. He doesn’t seem to have a mind of his own.
Since, the behavior of your husband is fickle, you can never really trust him.
The first thing you should do is become very confident. It is your life. NO one has the right to abuse you, even if it is your husband. Have a frank talk with your husband. Tell him that you will never take his behavior lightly hereafter.
Tell him that you will leave him if he insists in abusing you.
Make good your words.
Yes.
It is now or never.
If your husband says he will change you can live with him. But not with your in-laws. Both should live independently.
If he does not agree to any of your suggestions, go in for a divorce. At least you can have some peace.

]]> By: Lavanya https://www.breezystorm.com/money-issues-in-marriage/#comment-9194 Wed, 14 Feb 2018 22:12:21 +0000 https://www.breezystorm.com/?p=5951#comment-9194 Hi Mathi,
Wonderful information to know for young couples.
I really need your help to take decision about my married life which is under trouble now. I didn’t know where to post this so am stating it here itself.
Initially before marriage my husband behaved so well, soft spoken, not money minded and very understanding persobality. He also said he was a tetotaler. But his parents and elder sister were very problematic since their expectations were more. My husband convinced their parents not to ask for too many things. Also convinced me n family to do couple of things as their parents wish. We thought may most of the guys parents are this and proceeded to marriage. But after marriage only few days we were happy, then I went to my mom’s home for a month for a ritual. When I returned back my husband had turned dead opposite of what I thought he was. He had drunk once before marriage and I had asked to promise me that he wud never drink again.
Sister inlaw always stayed in my inlaws house with her mentally imbalanced child of 10yrs and one more kid of 4yrs though her house is in mysore and inlaws house in nearby our house. She used to visit her inlaws house for only an hour. My mil started to give me more n more work at home though I was working. My husband wasnt knowing this and agreed to his mom while she said your wife doesnt do any household work n just runs to office. Fights started between us and money was a big isssue too since they were expecting money. I couldn’t guess initially but when he used to fight for no reason and end up saying he doesnt have money then I started realising they were all behaving dramatically. Most of the money n house old items, my marriage gifts were all taken by my sister inlaw.
Me n my parents really felt bad after knowing this. In our room her berows are ther n our clothes are in different room. My husband is fine if I spend whole day til night in kitchen itself n shud fulfil his needs too n shudn utter any word abt his mom n sis. My salary was stopped for almost 2 months since in had taken leaves without pay.when I got salary he took 30000 from me and didnt spend a single rupee for me though it was a festival time n never told abt how he spent it even after asking him. After sometime my father was not well, I asked him tat I need to go immediately but he n his parents did a big hungama n didnt let me go. Hia behaviour was becoming very wierd towards me n started to roam witg his friends more. After his needs are fulfilled he l starting fighting at nights and one night it was more, his mom came n started yelling at me for no reason, even after knowing tat her son was wrong. They started abusing my parents and asked me to cal my parents. I cudn tollerate it and I called my parents on weekend. Evryone gathered with mediators 1 each from both sides. Finally they knew my husbands and inlaws faults. They decided n told tat I shud give 10000 per month to husband, my husband n inlaws started screaming – we don want tat money n your daughter take back her. Listening to this my parents got angry and they started asking jus becoz of money y they are ruining my life. Later on mediators asked to goto mom’s home for sometime after that husbanf has to consile n bring me back. So I left from ther and came to mom’s house. For almost a month my husband didn cal n he had become alcohol addict. By then I got pregnancy confirmed (2 months) so I called him to meet so that I can convey him tge good news directly. but he didn come n gave reasons finally I told him on call only but he didn have tat good feeling of happiness. Again a discusion happened btwn families but ended up with fight. I only called up on my birthday n spoke to him for getting issuea sorted out. Lot of misunderstandings happened coz of mediators. He came n met me near my office and we spoke abt evrything. Though I had sorted out things he still forgets tat n starts cribbing later on.
He says something and after sometime he says I never said like tat. These qualities are making our lives more difficult. His parents pushed me (3 months pregnant) n my parents out wen we went to their house to see my husband who was not well as he was badly drunk. During pregnancy he used to meet n come to my home but later on wen we asked them to do baby shower function he stopped coming. During delivery time my husband came to hospital n took care of me. once baby was born inlaws came n saw my baby boy n didn even see or talk to me , since I was having suture pains I cudn talk to them. This was a big offense according to my husband, I convinced him but he never listened instead he threatened me saying from now the game starts, see I wat I l do. Till 4 months he didn bother to call or see me n baby. I only called him couple of times but he used to put fights. He came to see baby afterwards me n my dad convinced a lot. He came thrice like once in a month til baby was 6 months, but I cudn feel his love as before. My parents spoke abt baby naming ceremony and again he stopped coming n asked my parents to talk to inlaws. Since inlaws ill treated my parents they weren’t ready to go to their house. Still my parents went to inlaws house to inform them abt naming ceremony. my husband and inlaws didn’t let my parents n relatives into house n behaved very rudely with them without giving respect. Husband has almost come to hit my dad inspite of knowing tat my dad has eyesight problem. We gave police complaint against them n now counselling is going on. Am under dilemma, should I live with him or not.
Please guide me madam.
-Lavanya

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