Comments on: Pessimistic and gloomy spouse – 21 destructive signs

By: POS

POS — Sun, 23 May 2021 13:33:36 +0000

This is my life!!! I’m to the point now with her relationship with our live in do nothing, pay nothing, no help 23 year old son. I feel suicide may be my only answer at this point. I’m so alone and tired of being my families scapegoat.

By: Mathi

Mathi — Tue, 18 Oct 2016 16:14:03 +0000

In reply to Efon.

Efon,
It is sad your wife is prone to be a pessimist. You must be finding your married life boring. You seem to be a very good husband. Despite it I find it strange that your wife should behave in such a negative way. Do not go into detailed discussion with her as she will turn it into arguments. Your wife has every right to work. So don’t suggest her leaving her job. As you said it will make her more depressive.
Usually a woman likes it when her husband is more successful than her. So I don’t think that could be the reason for her unreasonable behavior. Does she have any health related problem? Rule that out first. Woman tends to have mood swings due to hormonal problems. Check it out.
When you argue in front of kids they hate it and stop interacting with their parents. So you should avoid it. Divorce is not an option for this. Your kids will develop various complex characteristics which could affect their future. You need immense patience to pull your wife out of her pessimism. Good luck.

By: Efon

Efon — Sun, 16 Oct 2016 06:35:04 +0000

Mathi,
I’ve 2 kids, 5 and 7. married 7 years. Only 34 years old. Wife is consistently pessimistic, so much so that I see it in my kids now too. Whenever something happens, it’s always my fault without any proof. “How did the dog get out? It must be you!” No one in my family likes her attitude this way. Now, I’m not the kind of guy that usually creates a pessimist. I do a lot of housework, play with/take care of kids, make a good living, and take care of the family recreationally too. (I think of activities every weekend for the family and sometimes for herself to go relax) I’d take the kids out while she goes shopping/massage/sleep. I compliment her a lot, praise her for her job well done at work, and I listen to her constant rants about how much people suck.
But despite all this, she still thinks I’m the worst person in the world and I make her life miserable. I’m guessing it may be that we work together and I’m more “experienced” in the job and thus people respect me more. This may make her feel insecure/inferior about herself. And thus the downward spiral towards hating everything in life. I’ve tried talking to her about her not working, (we don’t need the extra money), but am also afraid doing nothing would let the pessimist mind run rampant.
Today, Every discussion turns into an argument of who’s right and who’s wrong. But because I don’t want to affect my kids, I choose to stay silent most of the time hoping she would stop. But it seems the damage has been done. Kids are very introverted now.
She threatens divorce almost everyday. I’ve no problem with it, except I don’t want the kids to have single parents. I’ve read so much about how complete families has higher chance of bringing up better kids.

So my hands are tied. Don’t know what to do. But my life is a living hell with her now. Maybe divorce IS the solution here?

By: Mathi

Mathi — Wed, 04 May 2016 23:19:06 +0000

In reply to Chris.

When your wife is pessimistic you really find it very difficult to manage her. It is no use taking her for counseling as the change should come from her. Her bad childhood is one of the top reasons for her depressive attitude.
Your expectations about your wife is very normal. Your married life would be happy only when you co-exist in harmony. Does your wife always behave like this. Or is it occasional outbursts?
You say you communicate with her. Are you friendly and reasonable or do you demand an answer for her behavior? Never be accusing. Talk to her about her problems.
Divorce is not an answer. Be very patient and understanding to pull her out of her depression. Find out the reason. There lies your solution.

By: Chris

Chris — Tue, 03 May 2016 03:49:59 +0000

Hi Mathi,

I am young, 26 with my whole life ahead of me. I met my wife in highschool where i was a different person, i think we got along well because of our hatred towards people. I have always had ambitions in life but she did not… she had a very bad childhood and I thought i would help her see the best in the world.

Fast forward to now after 3 years of marriage and I am tired. She is very pessemistic, moody and yells alot… at our dogs at her siblings and me. I have been seeing a counselor for a bit and brought her to a couple sessions and she never got into it. She refuses to see another councelor and I need a wife who can help clean the house, support and encourage me and spend TIME with me.

My councelor said I will come to my own conclusion when I am ready. My parents are dead set against divorce. My question is that dont you think that it sometimes can be the answer? Ive tried counseling for myself and for her, i try to comunicate. Somethings you cant fix. My mom said it must have been Gods purpose to be here for her but what about my needs? I want a happy, supportive family. Cant divorce sometimes be the answer?

By: Mathi

Mathi — Mon, 25 Apr 2016 15:35:16 +0000

In reply to Julie.

Julie.
Don’t feel pessimistic as it can ruin your married life. You say you were positive once. What happened in between that you feel pessimistic? Parenting is a daunting commitment but a very lovable one. Do you worry too much about future of your children?
Your husband should support you in your times of need. He cannot ask you to leave just because you are going through a low period of your life. Happiness in life is a mindset. It can be practiced by everyone. Love your parental duties. Your children can give you immense happiness. Do not brood about anything. Life is too short for that. I think your depression starts from your relationship with your husband.
Talk to him frankly about your problems. Do not be moody. Be well groomed. Keep smiling till it becomes a habit with you. There is no problem free life for anyone.

By: Julie

Julie — Mon, 25 Apr 2016 02:23:05 +0000

So I have been with my husband for 11 years now and when we met and years following I was such a positive person. But over the last few years I’ve noticed I’m now a pessimis. We have two girls 2 and 4 and I’ve found the parenting issues like how we raise them and discipline them is causing major issues. I’m seem to have all the symptoms of a pessimis and now my husband wants me to leave. I refuse to leave and give up on our marriage and family. How do I get out of this negative place? How can you learn to just be happy with life? Please help.