Just got an email notification from this blog, so I thought I’d post an update. My husband and I separated about two years after I posted this, and about nine months later we got back together. It was great having that time on my own, and re-discovering the things that I used to love before our relationship. The split was amicable, he even got a girlfriend, we really thought we were going our separate ways. I got divorce papers, but he wouldn’t sign them. I started to get really spoked by the statistics on divorce and how it pretty much wrecks families and children. I played around with dating sites, but never got beyond a chat or a phone call. Finally, we were just like, “you wanna get back together?” I kinda still wanted to live separately but he obviously didn’t. There were a few things I simply wasn’t willing to go back to, now that I had been on my own for a while and wasn’t afraid to do things without him. I forced him into more responsibility. He didn’t like it, still doesn’t understand it, but he recently got a great job making more money than he’s ever made, and I believe part of the reason is that I pushed him to take more responsibility for the family. The fact that he really values the job and doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize it is a huge breakthrough. It makes me feel like we are really making strides. He’s starting to listen more, which is encouraging me to communicate more. It’s still rough, but nothing like it once was. We never had a wedding, and I feel a real desire to do something to commemorate our anniversary this year. Because we worked hard and now I really feel we deserve it. Thanks for all you do!

Hi Pavana,
It is very natural for you to feel unloved when your husband behaves in an immature manner. But you should understand one thing. It is your fear that is instigating your husband to be abusive towards you. You owe your husband respect, but there is nothing to fear him. Don’t pick up needless arguments with your husband, but don’t fear to talk about your feelings when he abuses you. Make it sure to him that you will not tolerate his abusive behavior any longer. It is you who have to buckle up to handle this problem. If you allow your husband to continue insulting you, you might find it very difficult to hold your marriage together. So don’t let things drift along like this. Act with courage and make your husband understand that you cannot be tossed around.

Hi Nidhi,
Your husband has all the right to think that he owes everything to his family. But he has no business to ignore your emotional needs. When your husband ignores you, it just shows that he is concentrated on himself. Don’t let him treat you like a punching bag. You owe your share of respect from him.
That your husband is prone on putting blame on you for his problems shows that he is not confident and wants you to be his scapegoat. It would do a world of good for your husband if he realizes that it is you who is going to travel with him in all ups and downs of his life and not his family.

Cynthia,
Diversified views always exists. I respect your views. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

I disagree…it is not our approach to marriage that damages it…There are no two sides to the problem..there is the abuse and the abuser, that is all. In fact, stating it is our approach to marriage that damages it is in fact a generalization, so your statement is conflicting. Every marriage is different, though abuse is not.