Your alcoholic husband literally turns your married life upside down, doesn’t he?
It is nerve wracking to live with an alcoholic husband. When your husband is addicted to alcohol your married life has all the violence of a tornado.
What is the nature of a tornado?
It is destructive, devastating and wrecking.
Likewise, your alcoholic husband destroys your mental peace and happiness in a worst possible way. His drinking habit makes you miserable, depressed and gloomy.
‘When you live in an alcoholic family or an abusive family, you tiptoe, you don’t want to step on any mines’- Glenn Beck.
What made you marry your alcoholic husband?
Did you marry your husband knowing that he was an addict to alcohol?
Did you feel emotional that your love could make him forgo his drinking habit?
If so, you have committed the gravest mistake of your life.
Love cannot make your alcoholic husband any better. Alcoholism is more like a disease. When alcohol runs in his blood the mind of your husband becomes diseased and sickly.
He makes your family life unstable by being a stigma in the society. He time and again shames you by creating scenes before your friends\relatives\colleagues. You literally cringe inside in agony by the unthinking behavior of your alcoholic husband.
What are the reasons behind your husband’s alcoholism?
The main reason is abusive childhood.
- He might be a byproduct of abusive parents.
- He might have never experienced the love of his parents.
- His parents might have separated at his young age.
- He might have undergone tremendous mental torture of living with a step mother\father.
So, your husband grows up without knowing the values of life. Alcohol could have provided him some mental relief in the initial stages of his miserable childhood till finally it becomes an addiction.
Another reason is the company of his bad friends.
- Bad friends might have led your husband to this destructive habit.
- They might have encouraged him to give drinks a try.
- His trial becomes a habit.
- His habit becomes a compulsion.
- His compulsion finally becomes an addiction.
When you are married to an alcoholic husband your relationship is unbearable and intolerable. There is not a moment of peace in your life as his behavior is unpredictable, abusive and violent.
How does your alcoholic husband destroy your married life?
- He does not have steady mind.
- He steals money from the house for his drinks.
- Your alcoholic husband does not have a steady job.
- He yells and screams when you do not give him money.
- He feels very inferior.
- He abuses your children also. They hate him.
- The atmosphere at home is always tense and scalding.
You break your head why you married him at all. There are times your husband promises to rectify himself. ‘One last time’ he audaciously begs you. You yield to his begging as you feel he will keep up his promise.
But the next day also he is completely drunk. All the subsequent days are also his drunken days.
Your alcoholic husband has given you false promise.
He never listens to your reasoning, does he?
You are all at seas not knowing how to manage your alcoholic husband.
Should you leave him to fend for himself?
You want to do that, don’t you?
He is so disgusting that you feel that your life would be better if you shove him off your life.
But you do not do that. You live through the nightmare. Your days lengthen in disgrace and humiliation. You hope against hope that your alcoholic husband would change. But nothing seems to happen. Days fly till one day you realize that you have lost the best days of your life for a drunkard.
What makes you live with an alcoholic husband?
- You fear the wagging tongue of the society
- You think that your children would feel depressed to live with a single parent.
- The once in a blue moon day of non-drinking of your alcoholic husband makes you feel that good days are ahead of you.
- The years you spent together as a family makes you hesitate to come to the finality of a separation.
- You do not want to be the topic of gossip about your wrecked married life among your relatives.
- Your religion preaches that you should stick to your marriage whatever happens.
What should you really do?
Should you leave your husband?
Or, should you try to change him? [He often sobs and pleads that he would change]
Your husband should be given a chance.
- But do not cajole and sweet talk with him.
- Show him that you mean business.
- Give him a strict option. It is going to be either you or his drinks.
- Do not care for the society. You are living through hell, not the society.
Take your husband for rehabilitation. Keep keen watch on him. Rehabilitation can only help him know that he is destroying himself. But the real change should come from him. Your husband should have the mindset to change for the better. He should opt for you and throw his bottles away with finality.
Your husband can hit the bottle again- any time. So, be very wary of his whereabouts. If he hits the bottle again, it signals he can never change.
Is your mind in turmoil of what you should do if he keeps hitting the bottle again and again?
Do you feel sad that your marriage has ended this way?
Feeling sad is far better than living a nightmarish life with an alcoholic husband.
When he prefers the bottle over you, you too can prefer some peace in your life at least now.