Do you know keeping secrets destroys your marriage, in a telling manner?
It is because, when you are secretive you hide many things from your partner, making him\her feel baffled about what is going on in your life. When your partner does not know about your friends, your money dealings, your social media activities, and your plans about your life, you become more of a stranger to him\her. This is pretty dangerous to your relationship.
It is true that you should have your own privacy, even after your marriage. But privacy, is completely different from secrecy. Privacy is having your own personal space, doing your own thing, just being yourself, without the intrusion of your partner. But being secretive, means you are being hiding and clandestine towards your partner. It spells danger to your marriage.
When you act secretive towards your partner, it just signals you are hiding something which he\she must not know. When you feel your partner must not know what you are doing, it obviously means that he\she will dislike it, when he\she comes to know about it. This is not the way to live through your married life. You should not do anything secretively, with your partner being clueless about it.
Shall we now have a glimpse how keeping secrets destroy your marriage?
No 1. Destructive ways keeping secrets destroys your marriage is trust is lost
When you lie to your partner, it is sad that you do not realize how much you are destroying his\her trust in you. When your lies gather intensity, the volume of your secrets also increase, breaking the trust your partner has in you.
- You hide your savings, and refuse to help your partner, even when he\she direly needs your financial help.
- You have friends from the opposite sex, about whom your partner is not aware of.
- You are constantly late from work, after having fun with your friends.
You might think, that you are lying only to safe guard your privacy, but you do not understand that the tenure of your lies is often short lived. When your partner eventually comes to know about your secrets, the price you have to pay for your lies, is the loss of his\her trust in you.
You might think, that these sorts of secrets will not destroy your marriage. This is where you go wrong. Your partner finds it impossible to swallow the bitter pill of your secrets. Your hidden savings makes your partner feel, that you are so lacking in love for him\her, that you did not lend a helping hand during his\her tough financial troubles.
Your partner also finds it impossible to digest, that you had been having fun secretively, that too with the opposite sex. Your unwarranted lies and secrets destroy the trust your partner had in you. After losing the trust of your partner, you will never be able to regain it back. Once your partner loses his\her trust in you, it is lost forever.
No 2. Destructive ways keeping secrets destroys your marriage is it makes your conversation stilted.
The way you communicate with your partner, decides the happiness quotient in your marriage. When your interaction is frank and open, your relationship is enjoyable and agreeable to both. But you can interact with your partner freely, only when there are no secrets between you.
When your partner feels you are hiding many things from him\her, he\she stops interacting with you spontaneously. You too feel reserved to be your normal self with your partner, as you feel guilty of hiding many secrets from him\her.
No 3. Destructive ways keeping secrets destroys your marriage is the loss of comfort
Love of your partner is not guaranteed to you. Most of you wrongly assume that being married, ensures that love becomes a permanent resident in your marriage.
No.
You are wrong.
Love is earned in your married life. When you are loving and caring towards your partner, he\she loves you back. When you are frank and open with your partner, he\she loves being married to you. When you are not secretive and mysterious with your partner, he\she feels relaxed and comfortable living with you.
But when you are secretive, your partner no longer feels comfortable being with you. In fact, your hidden secrets make your partner feel doubtful, that you might be hiding many more things from him\her. When your partner is not comfortable living with you, his\her discomfort reflects in you. You too feel uncomfortable being with your partner. Unwarranted secrets, make the relationship with your partner, uneasy and edgy.
No 4. Destructing ways keeping secrets destroys your marriage is creating ugly scenes between you
When you have too many secrets in your kitty, your partner becomes bitter and resentful against you. Many a time, your partner finds it impossible to keep silent about your lies.
In intense anger, your partner confronts you about your secrets, and you retaliate back to protect yourself. You are unable to live a normal decent relationship with your partner, as even a small interaction between you ends in accusations and bitter confrontations.
Bitter fights and ugly scenes, become a common scenario in your married life. When fights rule the roost in your relationship, you cannot enjoy happiness in it.
No 5. Destructing ways keeping secrets destroys your marriage is too much questioning happens
When you hide many secrets from your partner, he\she demands clarifications from you.
You might have spent hordes of money, in purchasing things you like. You assume that when you hide your heavy spending, your partner will not know about it. But your massive repayment bill, spills the beans of your overspending to your partner.
You might have spent fun hours with your girlfriend\boyfriend, without uttering a word about it to your partner. But someone common to both, might have seen your fun moments with another person, and the news is flashed to your partner.
When such secretive fun, and secretive spending happens, doubting questions from your partner begins with a vengeance. No one likes to be probed and doubted. You too do not like it. But you are unable to defend yourself, as your guilt makes you tongue tied.
CONCLUSION
You owe your own privacy. There is no questioning it. But after marriage, you owe transparency to your partner. When you are hiding and secretive, you are doing great injustice to your partner, as it makes him\her feel excluded from your life.
When true love exists between you, you will not feel like hiding secrets from your partner. It is because, the first person with whom you want to share your secrets will always be your partner.
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