Temperamental tantrums of your child often make you argue with your spouse about his upbringing, doesn’t it?
You accuse your spouse that your child is a spoilt brat because of the way he\she brought him up. And your spouse feels that you are the sole reason behind the temperamental tantrums of your child.
It is a hardcore fact that your children play a crucial part in the happiness of your married life. You often have relationship issues because of them.
One such niggling issue you face in your marriage is the temperamental tantrums of your child.
I turned around when I heard a small boy screech at the top of his voice when I was shopping.
“Mommy, I must have this toy” the boy literally screamed.
He had a remote car in his hands. His mother furiously plucked the car from his hands.
“No. Put it back. You have ample toys at home” the mother glared at the boy.
The boy snatched the toy from his mother and started to cry loudly.
“Buy it for me” the small boy yelled at the top of his voice.
His mother spanked him and put the toy back. Her husband was watching the tug of war between his wife and his son with a grim look in his face.
“I told you not to pamper him too much. Can you see how he has put us to shame by his unruly behavior?” he hissed at his wife.
“Are you accusing me as incapable of bringing up our son? You never think that you too had a part in bringing him up. You are always hell bent on criticizing me. You never realize your fault” his wife hissed back at her husband.
What started as a temperamental tantrum of a child turned into a battle between husband and wife.
Can you see how children can make you fight with each other?
Now let us see what made the boy misbehave at the shop?
The mother did not explain to her son why she was not buying the toy he wanted.
Might be the mother did not have the money to buy the remote car her son demanded. Instead of just yelling at the boy to put the toy back, she should have explained it to her son.
She could have also avoided the temperamental tantrums of her son if she had diverted his attention to other interesting things instead of yelling at him
Yelling and scolding can never control the temperamental tantrums of your child.
How does your child show his temperamental tantrums?
- Your child screams at the top of his voice.
- He rolls on the floor in adamant anger.
- Your child throws things around in unmanageable fury.
- He\she pulls your hair and dress making you disheveled.
- Your child even utters expletives making you feel shameful.
- You are shocked when your child yells and screams in front of your relatives\friends.
- Your cajoling aggravates his screaming.
- Your stern warning is coolly ignored by him.
- Your child becomes so unmanageable and unruly that you feel ashamed. You do not know the ways to control him\her.
Why does your child show his temper in such an aggressive way?
- Your child feels that he can have things done his way if he yells and screams.
- His tantrums are his reaction when you control his liberty too much
- When you ignore him, he wants to attract attention towards him by being problematic.
- When you are partial towards his siblings his jealousy makes him go out of control.
- When you try to pacify him, your child increases the volume of his\her voice making you cringe in frustrated anger
You feel ashamed at the open show of the unruly temper of your child. aren’t you?
It is true you should never give in to the temperamental tantrums of your child.
But shockingly the topmost reason for your child’s temperamental tantrums is you.
Surprised, aren’t you?
You find it hard to believe that your child behaves violently because of you.
Are you wondering how you could be the reason behind the temperamental tantrums of your child?
Well! Here are the valid reasons.
- You do not give your child personal attention and care.
- You do not spend quality time with him.
- You pamper your child with costly things which is unneeded at his age.
- You are more concentrated on your work-related tension than on spending time with your child.
- You shove your child away from you when you are fatigued and tired that he feels uncared by you.
- You never interact with your child lovingly. It makes him feel lonely and isolated.
- You never explain to your child the reasons for your anger. This makes him feel you are dictatorial and overbearing.
- When no explanation is forthcoming from you, your child will never understand why you are angry with him instead of fulfilling his most normal wish.
- Your voice when you interact with your child is harsh and emotionless.
- You arbitrarily order him\her to do things your way.
- You never allow him to share his feelings with you.
- When you are unreasonably angry with your child, he learns to replicate your anger.
Do not think that your child is too small to understand your attitude towards him\her. Your child is so intelligent that just as he feels your love, he also feels your indifference.
Your love makes him\her feel cared by you. His young world instantly comes under an umbrella of emotional security when you are friendly with him.
But your indifference makes your child feel unloved and uncared by you. He shows his resentment against you by displaying temperamental tantrums.
When you are tired from your hectic work schedule you don’t feel like spending quality time with your child.
So, you buy him all sorts of gadgets to keep him amused.
Yes!
Today modern children have many gadgets unheard off by the yester generation children. They have more worldly exposure than them. They are more intelligent than them. Nowadays a two-year child knows how to download video games.
Very surprising, isn’t it?
But very dangerous also.
Today your child lives among gadgets, video games, and internet. They do not live with your loving companionship.
Do you tell them moral stories?
You do not!
Do you teach them the good and bad of life?
You do not!
My mother taught us about what is good and bad when we were small children. We were told not to steal, not to tell lies, not to insult elders and not to crave for other people’s things.
My mother was never strict with us. She never beat us. She never scolded us. But we instantly obeyed her because of the open display of love she displayed. She also spent quality time with us.
My daughter was very mischievous when she was a kid. But we were very indulgent parents. We gave her all the freedom at home. We treated her equally even when she was a small child. We never yelled at her or used expletives. We demonstrated our love very openly. But we also told her about the good and bad of life.
Do you know how she will behave when she stepped out of the house?
She would so obedient that most people assumed she was a very quiet girl which she definitely wasn’t at home.
So, parental love also has a lot to do with the behavior of your child.
But as a modern parent you are more focused on money.
You never guide him about the values of life. Instead you tell your child to concentrate on his studies so that he gets a good job.
You instruct him\her to earn lots of money. You pressurize your child to be more intelligent than his\her friends. You also instigate your child against people you dislike.
You drill your child about the need for money. But you never guide him\her about the way to behave. So, your child grows without knowing about basic etiquette needed to be a good human being.
Can you see how your indifference towards molding your child is the top most reason for the temperamental display of your child?
The temperamental tantrums of your child are actually immature display of his frustration against you.
The mental attitude of a child is very tender and soft. You should handle him\her with affection.
But what do you tell your child today?
Can you see how your indifference and impatience are the top most reasons for the temperamental display of your child?
How to deal with the temperamental tantrums of your child?
- When you are punishing and harsh it makes your temperamental child more aggressive and violent.
- If you are instant in fulfilling his demands, he learns the trick to blackmail you by misbehaving.
- Explain to your temperamental child how he should behave.
- Do not make him deprived of your love.
- Listen to his tiny woes. It might not sound important to you. But to your young child it is of paramount importance.
- Explain to him why you are unable to fulfill his wish immediately.
- Do not give in to his tantrums easily.
- Ignore him\her when he is behaving in a wild manner.
- Do not pamper your child with costly things to show your love. He grows up without knowing the value of money.
- Do not buy whatever he asks. He will feel disappointed when you deny him his wishes as he had got used to being pampered by you. The end result is his temperamental tantrums.
- Do not give him too much pocket money, as he will become more and more demanding as he grows.
CONCLUSION
The resentment of your child is different from that of an adult anger. Whereas you display motivated anger, the child innocently displays his displeasure by being temperamental.
“Raising
children uses every bit of your being – your heart, your time, your patience,
your foresight, your intuition to protect them, and you have to use all of this
while trying to figure out how to discipline them.” Nicole Ari Parker
The mental attitude of a child is very tender and soft. You
should handle him\her with affection.
Spend quality time with your child. Explain to him why you are not buying things he wants. Be reasonable and friendly.
Never flash out in anger when your child misbehaves.
Make him understand his mistake in a kind manner.
When you are responsive to his emotional needs your child becomes obeying and well behaved. All because of your friendly and loving attitude towards him.
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