How to stop the blame game in your marriage is a question almost all couples ask themselves in some stage of their relationship.
You blame your spouse for almost everything.
- If he\she does not share your household chores you blame him\her.
- When there is a financial problem in the family you blame each other.
- You blame your spouse for his\her lack of responsibility.
- You blame each other vehemently when there is a family issue.
The list for blaming your spouse is endless and limitless.
Why do you blame your spouse?
- You want to prove yourself right and your spouse wrong.
- You want to give tit for tat for the hurt he\she inflicted on you.
- You want to change your spouse for the better, but end up doing it the wrong way- the blaming way.
- You do not want accept your faults as you are egoistic.
In fact most couples play the blaming game persistently.
You are so intent on blaming your spouse that you never realize you are indirectly pushing your marriage towards failure.
‘It was you who made this financial blunder! How are you going to solve it? How are you going to allocate money for the repayment? I wouldn’t have anything to do with it’ the shrill voice of my cousin jarred my ears as I was about to enter her house.
She was having a bitter argument with her husband regarding a financial mess her family was presently facing.
‘How can you blame me? You were very insistent on buying that costly car. I told you it was beyond our means and that the installments would cut into our budget. But you insisted that it can be managed. Now you are putting the total blame on me’ her husband retorted back angrily.
I could see that they were having a disagreement about their mutual decision to buy a costly car. I knew that their income did not warrant the financial risk they took when they bought a high end car. But they felt that their social status would go up if they owned such a luxurious car.
Nothing wrong in that!
But the trouble started when they could not manage the monthly installments. It is quite natural for any couples to disagree on decisions they make, isn’t it? But what amazed me was how both were isolating each other from the mutual financial mistake they had made.
They pointed blaming and accusing fingers at each other. They were playing the blaming game to the hilt! It is the common mistake most couples indulge in. A terrible mistake that can ruin your marriage.
- Why do you try to isolate yourself from the mutual mistake both make?
- Why do you single out your spouse to accuse him\her for any problems you face in your family?
- Why do you not put your heads together to solve your family issues?
- Why do you blame your spouse to prove yourself right?
Do you know that blaming your spouse for all family mishaps is one of the top reasons for failed marriages?
What happens when you play the blame game in your relationship?
- There is isolation and loneliness in your married life.
- Anger and bitterness wrecks your relationship.
- Both feel that the other is selfish and unreasonable.
- There is no true togetherness in your interaction.
- You drift away from your spouse.
You achieve nothing by blaming your spouse. In fact accusing your spouse makes your relationship highly resentful and bitter. Your spouse is not your enemy that you should thrash him\her with your self- centered accusations.
How to stop the blame game in your marriage?
- Instead of blaming your spouse you should accept your mistake.
- You should apologize for the mistake you had made.
- Your spouse should forgive your unknowingly done fault.
- You must solve your problems in combined togetherness.
- You should realize that you and your spouse are in the same team.
But this does not happen in your marriage.
You make a mockery of your marriage by being together when the going is good. But once problems crop up in your family your interaction with your spouse undergoes a drastic and negative change. You immediately draw away from your spouse! You point accusing fingers at him\her as the reason behind the setback your family faces.
Why does your marriage become a nightmare of blaming games after a few months of togetherness?
- Did you accuse each other during your love days?
- When in love you were very much together, weren’t you?
- Both discussed your future family life with great excitement.
- You linked hands with him\her in yearning love.
- You used words like ‘we’ ‘ours’ whenever you interacted with your spouse.
The words ‘we’ ‘ours’ are magic words. It shows how much you support each other in your relationship. This is why your love days are memorable and unforgettable!
But after marriage your conversation with your spouse contains mostly ‘I’ or ‘you’.
‘I’, ‘you’, ‘me’ are isolating words in your married life.
It is indeed sad that your communication with your spouse changes from excitement to resentful allegations after marriage.
Added responsibilities and commitments after marriage make you intolerable and accusing in your interaction with your spouse.
This makes your relationship very taxing and irritating!
‘You are the reason for this mess’ – blame which destroys your emotional togetherness.
‘You have to solve your own problems’ –words which isolate you from your spouse.
After marriage you drift away from your spouse when he\she faces any issues. You do not support him\her emotionally and financially. There are less of the words ‘we and ‘our’ in your conversation.
Sharing family problems together brings in incredible bond between you!
‘Let us overcome our problems together’ – the right way to excellent relationship.
‘We did it’ – an extraordinary sharing of your happiness and achievement.
- Problems shared together will flood your relationship with intense bonding.
- You feel less stressed when you have a warm shoulder to lean on.
- Sorrow shared together will make you come even closer.
Understand the beauty of the words ‘we’, ‘us’ and ‘our’. They are extraordinary sharing words!
It brings your family life into an encompassing umbrella of care, love and emotional security.
You and your spouse are very human and so prone to mistakes. Do not make the faults of your spouse a big issue. When you overlook the minor faults of your spouse it spells magic in your relationship! The topmost secret to an idealistic married life.