Does age difference in marriage matter a lot for your relationship to flourish?
Yes.
Age difference does matter a lot in marriage. In fact, it is of prime importance.
I am sure you would not agree. You feel age is all about the different stages of your life.
What is your mentality in the many stages of your life?
- You are impulsive and energetic in your youth.
- You are skeptical and cynical in your middle age.
- You are mature and mellow in your old age.
Can you see how your attitude towards life changes with your age?
This different attitude brought about by the various stages of your age has a drastic impact in your marriage.
What is your attitude towards life when you are young?
- Your blood runs warm and you are at the peak of your youth.
- You are energetic and bubbly.
- You are impetuous and spontaneous.
- You want to experiment everything in life.
What is your attitude towards life in your middle age?
- You have lost your youthful vibrancy.
- You are a stone step away from old age.
- You are worried about your life after retirement.
- You have somewhat become skeptical and doubtful about life.
- You are confused and tensed by many problems you consistently face.
What is your attitude towards life in your old age?
- You feel apprehensive about your health and financial security.
- You are no longer excited about anything.
- You have lost your energetic fervor.
- You are disinterested in life.
- You become taciturn and aloof.
Can you see the differences in your attitude towards your life as you age?
It is these mental changes that makes tremendous differences in your marriage.
Age difference between both plays a crucial role in your relationship. Marrying a person too younger to you or too older to you is a decisive factor in sealing the fate of your marriage.
You may well argue that age is just the biological status of your body.
Yes.
Age is plain statistics of your living years.
But its impact in your marriage is mind blowing.
In India, arranged marriages are very prevalent. Parents analyze age as a decisive factor in selecting an apt person for their daughter\son.
‘A woman matures very fast as she is far intelligent than her husband. She is also very concentrated in the welfare of her family. Her worries makes her mentally and physically tired. But a man takes much longer to mature, as he is casual and carefree about life. He is not too worrying. He is very practical, unlike his wife’ my mother told me.
‘Does this have anything to do with age difference in marriage?’ I asked her bewilderedly.
‘When a man marries an older woman she cannot keep up with his energetic sexual drive. This creates many problems between them. But when the girl is younger to him, she matches his enthusiasm. This is the reason why a man should marry a girl younger to him’ my mother concluded.
I felt my mother had a valid point there.
When in love you never think age difference matters in your married life.
When you love a person, you want to marry him\her. The person you love may be very much younger to you. Or he\she might be much older than you. Your love is so intense and passionate that you feel your marriage can survive any vast age differences.
Can your marriage really survive big age differences?
No.
Does age difference in marriage matter a lot?
Yes.
Does too much age difference really make your marriage stressful?
Yes.
You might say that there are lot of successful marriages where the age gap between the couples is very high. But they form a very small percentage. They cannot act as a scale to decide the right age factor of marriage.
The age difference between both should not be too much that your attitude clash and finally rush your marriage towards its inevitable end.
How does age difference between you affect your relationship?
What is the fate of your marriage if your spouse is twenty to thirty years older to you?
Such marriages are most likely to fail, as your age difference is more like between father and daughter. And mother and son.
Your aged spouse cannot keep up with your verve and energy. His\her maturity makes you feel you have acted rashly. You feel miserable and depressed when you see your friends married to a right aged spouse and enjoying life with all the fun of youth.
What makes you marry a person who is fit to be your father\mother?
Money.
Yes.
You are lured by his\her wealth. You want to enjoy richness and affluence. You feel your marriage will survive when your personal craving for the best things in life is fulfilled by your aged spouse.
But your marriage is very short lived, as your age gap is very huge. Your thoughts and mindset can never synchronize together.
What about the age difference between eight to fifteen years?
Your marriage might survive the age gap if your spouse is energetic and lively.
If he\she is in prime health, he\she can be as sexually active as you are.
If he\she knows the tricks to make you happy, the age difference between eight to fifteen years does not matter.
What happens when you marry someone well below your age?
Your young spouse finds you dull and staid.
He\she has nothing in common to talk to you.
Your maturity clash and collide with the youthful mindset of your much younger spouse.
How is your married life when your age difference is between two to four years?
Both are bubbling and eager to enjoy life to the full when both are young. Your thoughts are youthful and your actions were vigorous, vibrant, and fervent.
If your spouse is of the same age group, your married life has romance, fun, vigor, and freshness.
This is something you cannot enjoy in your married life if your spouse is middle aged or old.
You also have time to rectify your relationship mistakes.
The conclusion about the right age difference between couples!
Age is just a matter of years. You feel young or old according to your mindset. Your feel aged only when you feel old. But biologically, your body reacts to your age. When your body is old, aging enters your mind also.
The age difference between both should not be too much that your attitude clash and finally rush your marriage towards its inevitable end.
It is always mentally and physically healthy to marry someone your age group.
VRNDA LAKSHMANN says
Will appreciate your views as there is an age difference of eight to ten between female and male
Female is 43 and male is 36
Mathi says
Hi,
When a female is 43, she would have matured in mind and body. When a man is 36 it means he is in his prime. A matured woman cannot understand and keep up with the energetic verve of a 36 year old man. In the intial glow of marriage,there will be no great discripancies. But as days go by, the 36 year old man will find a 43 year old woman matronly and too mature for him.
So great thinking should go before marrying with such an age gap.
Conrad Kleinpeter says
My wife is 31 years younger! I was 58 and she 27! Now I am 87 and she 56 and we could not be happier! Each day is a blessing! I am in good health and we love to shop and do things together. We are never separated. Our friends are amazed. I am amazed. We are Christians and are thankful to God every day. I have been retired since 1994. We belong to FMCA, an 80,000 member motorhome group, Family Motorhome Association. We have friends from all over country and all ages. The only down side is she will have lots of years without me! We are coming up on 30 years together. How many have that many?
Mathi says
Hi Conrad,
You are indeed lucky.
Joy says
Hello
Iam 23yrs and my hubby is 38yrs meaning he’s 15 yrs older than me, he’s not able to satisfy my sexual feelings and my emotions for him is no longer there cos of his adulterous way, what can I do to revive back our relationship?
Mathi says
Hi Joy,
It is true that 15 years is a big gap but it need not deter your sexual life. You should not withdraw away from your husband just because he does not satisfy you sexually. Sex is not a taboo topic that it should be avoided between you. You should talk about your needs to your husband. Unless you talk about it, your husband will be thinking that he is satisfying you, xexually. Talk to your husband about your sexual cravings. It might make a change in your married life.
rahul says
Hi…
I am 27 fit and fine and my gf is 38 fit and fine… we r planning to get marry… but my family is not agreeing….
what u suggest
Mathi says
Hi Rahul,
The success of your marriage depends upon how you treat each other. If your girl friend behaves too maturely towards you, you will find your married life boring. And marrying your own wish, but a 38 year old woman would most probably be a bit too mature to your young age. Think a lot before marrying.
HY says
Hi, my husband is 32 and I am 26. I got married when I was 24, but now I don’t know if it was for the right reasons. We dated for 3 years before that and it was all good but yes there were some trust problems and they also showed up a month before our wedding but I guess I got married because I was scared of being alone and there was family and everyone to think about. Lately I feel that he is exhausted of meeting my emotional needs, I do feel happy when he buys me gifts and the good days, but on the bad days, he doesn’t even bother to know that ive been starving for 4 days, feeling depressed suicidal and there is no support system for me where I am because it’s a city where he has his job. I feel that we are both from very different generations, I still feel like having fun and he’s become more serious about life and such. If I feel like smoking he now becomes angry and shouts and screams just because he wants to leave it. I don’t want to change who I am just to match his standards of lifestyle. What do I do? I regret a lot and I feel stuck. All people my age are working, making careers, enjoying and here I feel that I have to become serious and mother like. I don’t even want to have kids because that just makes me feel that I’ll be having them so that my husband is not an old dad and not because I really want to have them at that time.
Mathi says
Hi,
When you are emotionally too demanding your husband will find it very tough to handle it.
I do not understand why you should feel depressed and suicidal prone. And being hungry for 4 days. Are you behaving like this to attract the attention of your husband? You are doing it the wrong way.
When you act like this, the first thing your husband will lose is his sense of humor. He will lose his smile and become all serious and sober.
Your husband cannot keep on buying you gifts to make you feel happy.
I think you are very young and so do not understand the intricacies of marriage.
Why aren’t you working?
You should be. I think your lonliness is making feel left out and alone.
Do not delay in having a baby. A baby brings in immense positive changes in married life. A baby of your own will also change your married life.
Get used to the city you are living in.
Does having fun in life mean smoking?
It is an unhealthy habit and your husband is rightfully angry about it.
Be friendly with your husband. Do not be emotionally keyed up. Enjoy your marriage. Your husband does not seem a bad man. If you forgo your emotional demands he will become more pliable towards you.