Isn’t it a fact that you forget the emotional needs of your elderly parents as you grow up?
In fact, you never understand that like you, your parents also have their own personal wishes or desires.
Just because your parents are old it does not mean they should sacrifice all their personal wishes.
As normal human beings your parents too have their own individualistic cravings and yearnings.
“My son is asking me to spend my retired life looking after my grandchildren” my aunt was telling my mother.
“It is a huge responsibility. In your age you will not have the energy to look after small kids” my mother told my aunt.
“You are right. I too feel worried about it. I am getting on in age, you know. I no longer have my usual stamina. It does feel nice to be with my grandchildren. But I just do not have the energy to look after them 24\7” my aunt looked disconcerted.
“I also want to spend the rest of my life visiting various pilgrimages. I had no time for it when my son was young. Now he has grown up and has a family of his own. So, I thought I would now fulfill my so far suppressed wish” my aunt went on.
“Why should your son object to your pilgrimage plans?’ my mother felt that my aunt had all the rights to fulfill her personal wish.
‘Since my son and his wife are working, he wants me to stay at home to look after his children. When I told him about my plans of going on a pilgrimage, he is saying I am being selfish in refusing to look after my grandchildren” my aunt looked frustrated.
My aunt had lost her husband when my cousin was a toddler. She made many sacrifices to bring him up. Though she was very religious, she had no time for it as she had to look after my cousin.
My aunt always told my mother about her wish to spend her old age in visiting many pilgrimages throughout the country.
It was a normal wish. There was no selfishness attached to it.
I felt that it was my cousin who was being very self-centered in denying his mother her basic rights.
This is how most adult children never understand the emotional needs of their elderly parents.
In today’s hectic world, the relationship between elderly parents and grown up children is a tug of war of emotional clashes.
Are you also ignorant about the emotional needs of your elderly parents?
Don’t be so.
Your parents are not selfish in wanting to do certain things in their old age. It is you who is being selfish is denying your parents their basic right to fulfill their personal wishes.
You cling to your parents when you are a kid. But as you grow into adulthood, you slowly deviate from them. Though you love your parents, you never care for the emotional needs of your elderly parents.
Here is a peep into the top 5 emotional needs of your elderly parents
1. Your elderly parents want love and care
Your parents have drained themselves in bringing you up.
They forgo their personal desires to make your life fulfilled and successful.
But after you settle down in life, you are very concentrated on your own family. You forget that your parents also need your love and care.
Of course, your family should be your top priority. But in the bargain, you should never forget your elderly parents.
Most of you feel that your parents just want your physical presence with them.
No!
Your parents love your physical presence. But they feel depressed when you act emotionally distant from them.
Do you know your parents are mentally shattered by the emotional distance you have with them?
Your elderly parents want you to spend quality time with them.
They want you to talk to them about their needs.
They want you to discuss things with them.
So, allot some time for your parents.
Never ever totally seclude your elderly parents and make them feel lonely.
2. Your parents too want to enjoy life
You feel it is your youthful prerogative to enjoy life, don’t you?
You think your aging parents do not have anything left in them to enjoy life.
How wrong can you be?
Just like you your parents also want to enjoy their old age.
They want to go on vacations to places they had longed to visit.
They want to spend time with their friends.
Your elderly parents want to do things they denied themselves in their duty towards making your life secure and successful.
So, let your elderly parents enjoy their life as they wish to.
3. Your parents too want independence
You feel your hackles rise when your parents interfere in your life, don’t you?
It is the same with your parents.
They want to lead their life as they wish to. They hate it when you keep advising them as if they know nothing.
Your parents want to make independent decisions about their lives.
They too want some privacy.
They too want to enjoy the same freedom you demand from them.
So, let your parents live their life on their own terms and conditions.
4. You parents want to say no to many of your demands
You easily say no to the emotional needs of your elderly parents as you feel it would be a strain on you.
But you selfishly feel that the duty of your parents has not ended with bringing you up. You want them to take care of your children.
You feel it is their duty to be at your service even as they age.
But your parents feel you are leeching them off their energy by making them do work beyond their age.
You also feel your parents do not need money for enjoyment. There are times you demand their money as if it was your own.
Understand the simple fact that your children are your duty, not that of your parents.
The hard-earned money of your parents is theirs. You have no business to ask a share in it.
5. Your parents too need friends
Do not intrude into your elderly parent’s personal life and comment on their friend’s circle. They have every right to have their own friend’s circle.
Your parents prefer to spend more time with their old friends as they are on the same wavelength.
Your elderly parents like to share their problems with their friends as they feel they understand it far better than you.
So, let your parents choose their own friends without you interfering into it.
Conclusion
“I now urge friends and acquaintances to have conversations with their aging parents and within their families while their parents are still relatively healthy and of sound mind.” ―Lisa J. Shultz,
Do these emotional needs of your elderly parents mean they have stopped loving you?
No.
Their love for you is the same. But when you move away from your parents to lead your own life, they feel a vacuum within themselves.
Initially your parents feel lost and lonely when you emotionally distance yourself from them.
But after certain period of time they understand that they have been too giving.
So, your parents now want to take the initiative to live their life as they want to.
Quite rightfully so.
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