Many couples confess, that since they are opting for a mutual consent divorce, they would remain friends all through their life.
Is there a possibility of a mutual consent divorce happening, without the backdrop of any acrimony or bitterness between you and your partner?
In reality, the answer is no. Divorce always happens, when the relationship between you turns chaotic and hostile. But the culprit behind the chaos in your married life, is not always both. In any failed marriage, the victim is not always both, and the accused also is not always both. Any one of the partners will be the victim, and the other partner would be the culprit, or vice versa.
You must accept the fact, that divorce is highly emotional to you. Though you might say that your decision to divorce was taken mutually, the emotional angle behind it is not as easy as it is reflected. Before actually coming to a mutual decision to go different ways, lot of acrimonious scenes are enactedbetween you.
It cannot be denied, that your divorce phase is a tormenting phase of your life. You find it impossible to digest the fact, that your marriage which began with love should end in a divorce court. The loving days you spent with your partner, and the fun moments you had as a family, cannot be easily forgotten by you.
Divorce happens for many reasons.
- When you find it impossible to cohabit with your partner, you want to end your marriage.
- When you have nothing in common with your partner, you want to get out of your relationship.
When you want a divorce, and your partner refuses to give it you, your divorce become bitterly fought. You spill out many accusations against your partner, and he\she counter attacks it, with his\her own version of allegations.
In your intense desire to get out of your marriage, you forget that your children are helpless victim to your tug of war with your partner. Most of you justify your divorce, by saying that the decision to separate was mutual, and that you will always remain friends with your partner.
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Only when you look the reality of your mutual consent divorce, you will understand certain bitter truth behind your separation.
No 1. Emotional reality of your mutual consent divorce –You can make your marriage work
There is no one human being, who is all good and all bad. You and your partner will have your own share of faults and mistakes. When you make much ado about the faults of your partner, you will dislike living with him\her.
On the contrary, when you overlook the faults of your partner, you will find many good things about him\her. When you concentrate on the positive angle of your partner, his\her negative qualities will fade into non-existence.
So, you can save your marriage from being destroyed, by accepting your partner for what he\she is.
No 2. Emotional reality of your mutual consent divorce – You ignore the emotional turmoil of your children
Both do not realize, that you are responsible towards your children. When you decide to divorce your partner, you keep justifying your stand to go your own way. You further defend yourself, that your children will not feel the pinch of your divorce, because they can always stay with you for some time, and with your erstwhile partner for some time.
Your children like to live with their parents in the same house, so that they can enjoy the emotional security of a united family. When you say you will remain friends with your partner after divorce, there is every possibility that you can also live as parents to your children.
After your children are born, your responsibility rests with them. It is your duty to give your children emotional security, educational security and the social security of a united family. Just because your divorce had a mutual nod from both you and your partner, it does not in any way lessen the mental agony of your children.
No 3. Emotional reality of your mutual consent divorce – It is a lie that your decision to divorce was amicable
You will be lying to yourself when you say, that parting different ways had been mutual and without acrimony.
The behind-the-scenes of your mutual divorce, is always hardly fought. You would have fought about the custody of your children. Both would have fought about settlement of money. You would have fought about your differences of opinion. Both would have displayed your dislike for each other so much so, that you feel you can go no further in your married life.
When you fight for your settlement and custody of your children, your divorce is not mutual, but full of anger and apathy.
No 4. Emotional reality of your mutual consent divorce – One partner would have wanted your marriage to last
You must accept the fact, that both you and your partner do not initiate your divorce simultaneously. Your partner or you, must have wanted your marriage to survive.
Things go out of hand, only when any one of you is adamant about divorce. When you want divorce, you fight furiously with your partner for a separation. Though your partner wants his\her relationship with you to last, you might have been adamant about going your own way.
Your partner might have tried to reason with you, but you would not budge from your decision to divorce. When you make the atmosphere at home too scalding hot, your partner has no other go than to relent to your acrimonious demands.
Though your divorce might be projected as being mutual, only you and your partner know how much both fought bitterly about it.
No 5. Emotional reality of your mutual consent divorce – There is no question of you remaining friends
Before your divorce, both proclaim that you will remain good friends even after your separation. This is quite impossible. You and your partner were not friends who got separated because of some misunderstanding, that your relationship can be back to normal when all doubts are clarified.
You and your partner had lived as husband and wife. Both had shared so many ups and downs in your life, together. You had loved each other, and had married with the intention of staying together until the day you lived. You had children together, and you had lived as a family before your divorce happened.
You wanted to separate from your partner, because your love for him\her had died. Your died love cannot be transformed as friendship. The death of your love happened, because both could not stand each other.
The same status will remain after your marriage also. At best, both will tolerate each other, when you happen to meet. So, do not fool yourself by saying that though you have stopped loving your partner, you still feel he\she is your friend.
Conclusion
There is no such thing as a mutually agreed divorce. Though you might say that your decision to divorce was taken mutually, the reality behind it is acrimony, resentment and bitterness.
The bitterness you felt against your partner, will remain within you even after your divorce. So, your divorce will always be bitterly fought, and bitterly won. But the loser of your divorce, will always be you and your partner. Both have lost your love to your divorce.
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