Blame shifting in marriage, could literally destroy your relationship in a rather alarming manner.
When you often blame your partner for everything bad happening in your relationship, it will only emanate heat of hostility within him\her. After certain period of time, the scalding heat of antagonism your partner feels against you, will definitely burn the relationship between you into ashes.
What exactly is blame-shifting?
Blame-shifting is not accepting your blame, and thrusting it on your partner. You want to escape the blame for having created relationship issues in your married life, at any cost. You coolly do it, by shifting the blame on to your partner.
“If only you did not say those words, I would not have erupted in anger.”
“If only you had not pestered me for costly gifts, I would not have got into such a huge debt.”
“If only you adjusted with me, we would have been happy.”
Such accusations are common, when blame shifting happens in your relationship. When you do something wrong, you do not want to carry the cross of a culprit. You do not want to be accused by your partner, for the mistake you made. So, you shift the blame of your relationship mistakes on your partner.
Blame-shifting could harm your relationship, in a rather bad manner. You must understand that accepting the blame of your mistake, is far better than shifting it on your partner.
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Shall we now see the 5 repercussions of blame-shifting has in your marriage?
No 1. Reason why blame-shifting in marriage is bad– Your relationship is full of accusations and counter accusations
Your relationship feels good, only when you accept the mistakes you made, and your partner accepts his\her mistakes. When your partner does not accept his\her faults, you feel angry. When you do not accept your mistakes, your partner feels angry against you.
You do not accept your mistakes, as you feel it will give your partner an edge over you. When your partner accuses of your relationship mistakes, you become unnerved by the accuracy of his\her accusations.
You do not like the idea of being called the culprit by your partner. So, you coolly turn the tables against your partner, by shifting the total blame on him\her. Your arguments are full of accusations which you know is not real. But you cannot help it, as you want to distance yourself from any relationship issue that might crop up in your family life.
No 2. Reason why blame-shifting in marriage is bad – It makes your interaction sparce and hostile
When you blame your partner for what he\she has not done, he\she withdraws away from you in utter bitterness. You are so hellbent on finding all sort of faults with your partner, that he\she ceases to interact with you. The way you make your partner seem the sole reason behind all the bad things happening in your married life, turns him\her hostile against you.
Whenever your partner comes to discuss family issues with you, you have a list of accusations ready. Instead of finding solutions to your family problems, you blame your partner as being the reason behind it. When you become a judge, and pronounce your partner as the culprit, he\she does not feel like talking to you.
Your partner is resentful, when his\her side of the story is not heard by you. You are that concentrated to prove yourself right, and your partner wrong. When you shift the blame on your partner, it drives a definite wedge between you.
No 3. Reason why blame shifting in marriage is bad- Your partner becomes bitter against you
Though you well know that your partner had nothing to do with the issues your marriage is facing, you indulge in blame-shifting just to save yourself. You turn deaf to the explanations of your partner.
When you coolly indulge in blame shifting, and behave as though you did nothing wrong, the intensity of hurt your partner feels, turns your relationship bitter. When you isolate yourself from all blame, he\she does not feel like interacting with you.
When bitterness and resentment enter your relationship, it erodes whatever good that exists in it. Your partner gradually becomes distanced from you, as he\she finds it impossible to tolerate your blaming attitude. In fact, your partner feels you are no good, when you do not accept the mistakes you have committed.
No 4. Reason why blame shifting in marriage is bad – Lack of transparency rules the roost
Your partner does not share what he\she is doing with his\her life, as he\she feels you will not be understanding and supporting. Your partner feels, that it would do him\her a world of good to be secretive towards you than confide everything to you, and get blamed for mistakes he\she did not commit.
Your partner hides his\her mistakes from you. Your partner also hides his\her money dealings from you. Your partner does not tell you about spending money, as he\she knows that you will blame it for any financial issue your family might face. Your partner constantly tells lies to you, as he\she does not want to give you a chance to find faults with him\her.
No 5. Reason why blame-shifting in marriage is bad – Your relationship issues remain unsolved
When you indulge in blame shifting, you do not solve your relationship problems. Unless you resolve your relationship issues, it will only endlessly torment you.
You can resolve your relationship issues, only when you have amicable discussions with your partner about the ways to overcome it. But there are absolutely no such discussions in your relationship. Your partner refuses to discuss relationship issues with you, as he\she well know that you will not be fair and impartial.
Since you are prone to blame-shifting, your partner feels that it is no use discussing family or relationship issues with you. When your family issues are not resolved, it only becomes a burning problem to your relationship.
CONCLUSION
It is no use indulging in blame-shifting in your marriage. It will only make both turn your face against each other.
You can enjoy your relationship, only when you accept your mistakes and your partner accepts his\her mistakes. On the contrary, when both shift the blame of your mistakes on the other, your relationship will only totter towards its inevitable failure.
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