Do you know when your wife does not enjoy financial freedom in marriage, she often fights with you about it?
“Aunty, I had a bitter argument with my husband yesterday” Pooja, my friend’s daughter looked tearful.
“What happened dear?” I asked the young girl worryingly.
“I had bought a new dress aunty. It was a bit costly. My husband did not like it a wee bit. He yelled at me saying that I was a spendthrift for spending money on a dress when there was more important financial committments to be met” Pooja fidgeted with her fingers.
“This is not the first time we are having arguments about money. It happens often. It is because my husband controls the money I earn. Sometimes I wonder why I earn at all when I do not have the freedom to spend it” Pooja wiped her tears.
Is pooja a lone case in feeling that she should have a say in money matters?
No.
Many wives feel that they do not have financial independence.
During yester years, a woman did not enjoy any financial freedom in marriage. In fact, she was totally dependent on her husband to provide her food, clothing and shelter.
Since her husband considered himself to be the provider of the family, she was dominated and controlled by him.
Yesteryear wife had absolutely no say in money matters. She was kept in the dark about family’s money dealings. As the wife had no worldly exposure and no personal earnings, she accepted it as a way of her life.
A yester year wife cooked, looked after her children, and obeyed the orders of her husband. She had no say in money matters.
Can you imagine women behaving like this in this modern age?
It is unimaginable and unbelievable.
Modern woman is as successful as her husband. She earns as good as him. The modern woman has also become very assertive and confident.
Unlike the yesteryear wife who totally depended on her husband for her survival, the modern wife now shares the financial commitments of the family equally with her husband.
But have these changes given a wife financial freedom in marriage?
Not exactly.
Research say that though a wife earns as good as her husband she is not given true financial freedom by him. Her husband controls her earnings and the way she spends her hard earned money.
Is this a rash complaint I am making about you as a husband?
No!
I am not.
It is a harsh truth that you still have a hold in the money your wife earns. You do allow your wife to go for work. You never place any restrictions on that. But you do not allow her to deal with the money she earns the way she likes.
Your wife cannot save money the way she likes. She cannot spend money on the things she likes without you frowning down upon her.
You completely disagree on the way your wife spends her money. You feel your wife is wasting money on frivolous things like dresses, handbags, accessories and beauty parlors.
But your wife thinks otherwise. She feels buying things according to her womanly cravings is her right. And she also feels she must have a say in the way her money is invested.
This is the reason why your wife craves for her financial freedom in marriage. Since the money she is earns is out of her toil and sweat, she wants to decide about it.
There are many wives who feel that they are not listened to by their husbands in money matters.
Sad, isn’t it?
Are you one such husband who feels that your wife does not know anything about money dealings?
Do you question your wife about her spending?
Do you control the money your wife earns?
Do you feel your wife should ask your advice before spending money?
Do you make fun of the shopping of your wife?
If you do all these things, you are denying your wife the financial freedom due to her.
Ask your wife about the quality she dislikes about you the most.
She would invariably say that it is your controlling nature.
And your wife hates it when you control her finance and deny her the basic right to spend the money she earns as she likes.
Your wife feels annoyed and resentful when you do not understand that her personal needs is entirely different from yours.
The needs of your wife are womanly. But your manly attitude feels that your wife is throwing her money around in fulfilling her womanly wishes.
As a woman your wife likes to spend money on makeup. She likes maintaining her beauty by going to parlors. She likes to buy trendy clothes.
But to your manly attitude the things your wife is spending money on are wasteful and needless.
You feel your wife spends too much on dresses.
“Why isn’t she satisfied with the tons of dresses she has?” you ask yourself in wild anger.
You are furious when your wife consistently visits beauty parlors.
“I see no difference in her face in spite of the money she spends on facials and other beautifying treatments” you tell yourself in disdain.
Can you see how you see the spending of your wife from your male attitude?
This makes your wife sad and irritated.
Of course, it is wrong if your wife throws away money. But if you put a speed breaker to her tiniest wishes, your wife feels disappointed by the restrictions you place on her spending.
Can you see that your wife yearns for financial freedom in marriage so that she can spend her hard-earned money on her womanly wishes?
When you ridicule her way of spending, your wife longs for her financial freedom in marriage.
Have you ever analyzed your spending?
You keep updating your mobile which your wife does not.
You keep changing your vehicles which your wife is not interested in.
You spend tons of money on bachelor outings with your friends which your wife never does.
If you calculate the money you spend, you would be astonished to know that your wife spends a lot less than you do.
You often complain that your wife does not listen to you in money matters. You are furious when your wife retaliates with vengeance when you restrict her spending.
It is true that your wife cannot spend at her will. But she has the right to fulfil her personal wishes.
Marriage is about two individuals with different tastes and desires. When the individual wishes of your wife are squashed by you, she stores resentment and bitterness against you. This makes your marriage race towards its inevitable failure.
Your relationship is a success only when the individual wishes of both are fulfilled.
One unfulfilled wish of your wife is financial freedom in marriage.
Here are simple tricks to give your wife financial freedom in marriage.
- Do not take total control over the money your wife earns.
- Discuss with her about the ways to invest her earnings.
- Allow your wife to spend money on things she likes.
- Be reasonable in pointing the wayward spending of your wife without being degrading.
- Understand that her womanly needs are entirely different from your manly needs.
- Do not be secretive about the investments you make.
- Realize that your wife works herself threadbare at home and workplace just to make your life comfortable.
Conclusion
“The handling of finances is one of the emotional battlegrounds of any marriage. Lack of finances is seldom the issue. The root problem seems to be an unrealistic and immature view of money.” David Augsburger
So, do not intrude too much into the financial freedom your wife needs in marriage.
It is her right.
Your wife feels relaxed when she is able to fulfill her womanly wishes without having to stand before you like a school girl for permission.
This is the real financial freedom in marriage your wife needs from you.
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