Do you know you must evaluate your marriage to clearly understand how your relationship is faring?
“Why should I evaluate my marriage?”
Most of you feel so.
You drastically need to evaluate your marriage to realize whether you are making a good job out of it, or making a mess out of it.
Will your marriage succeed, or will it fail miserably?
The answer to this question will be revealed to you only when you sit back and evaluate your marriage.
If you think that your marriage will improve and survive on its own you will definitely be disappointed. Your marriage needs many intricate aspects to give freshness and sheen to it. You and your spouse should work together to usher in these intricacies into your married life.
If you overlook these aspects as not important, your marriage will unquestionably tilt towards failure.
Let us see how you must evaluate your marriage!
Here we go!
1. Do you have tolerance?
Are you tolerant towards the faults of your spouse?
When in love you felt comfortable in the company of your spouse. And whatever he\she did was looked upon with indulgence by you.
But after marriage the total picture changes. Your level of tolerance dips dangerously low. Whatever your spouse does makes you feel tensed and stressed because you lose your tolerance.
You are more than ready to take a magnifying glass to find faults with your spouse. His\her minor mistakes are magnified and blown out of proportion by you.
Your spouse too has a magnifying glass ready to make a hell out of your life. This is not the way to live your married life.
Solutions
- Accept your spouse for what he\she is.
- Don’t indulge in petty fights with the sole intention of degrading your spouse.
- Understand that your spouse is an individual and so is entitled to his\her own space.
- Overlook the minor faults of your spouse.
- Be patient and tolerant towards him\her.
Practice these qualities in your married life to make it enjoyable.
2. Do you give emotional support?
Evaluate your marriage to understand whether it has emotional support embedded into it. Emotional support is very essential for a successful married life.
Please take time to answer this small questionnaire.
- Do you give full support to your spouse at his\her time of need?
- Does he\she also give support in your times of need?
- Do you share your problems with your spouse?
- Does your spouse share his\her problems with you?
- Do you pool out your spouse financially?
- Do you think it is your duty to support your spouse when he\she is down in depression for some misdemeanor?
I am sure your answer will have an emphatic ‘no to these questions.
If so, your marriage lacks emotional support. Your relationship is aloof and indifferent.
Solutions
Never ever leave your spouse in the lurch when he\she is undergoing stressful problems.
When you support your spouse unconditionally you convey the message “I am here for you.”
Consider the problems faced by your spouse as your own. It makes him\her feel protected by you.
These qualities bring incredible emotional support into your married life.
So, practice it.
3. Do you enjoy personal space?
Do you always breathe down the neck of your spouse?
Do you want your spouse to be at your beck and call?
Do you think you have all the right in the world to question your spouse?
Do you consistently ask the below questions to your spouse?
- Where were you?
- What are you doing?
- What did you do with your salary?
- Whom were you talking to?
These sorts of questions are not words of concern but of dominance.
You as a wife fetter your husband by bombarding him with probing questions which makes him go red in the face.
- You want your husband only for yourself and when he wants to have some time for himself you make a scene.
- You spy his whereabouts.
- You will not share him with his parents also.
- You quote your love for your demanding nature, but your husband feels you are fettering him.
You as a husband destroy the freedom of your wife.
- You too want your wife to be at your beck and call.
- You feel it is the unquestionable duty of your wife to look after you and your family.
- You never give her rest by not sharing her household chores.
- She cannot do anything without your consent.
Solutions to be good wife.
- Let your husband unwind at home.
- Do not be keyed up when he watches his favorite sports rather than spend time with you.
- Let him enjoy his time with his friends.
- Never ever keep a trail on him.
Solutions to be a good husband.
- Let your wife to do things she likes.
- Give your wife rest so that she too can enjoy some me time for herself.
- Give her personal space to let her do her shopping, or spend time with her friends, or even take her well-deserved rest.
Evaluate your marriage after inculcating personal space into your relationship, you will be amazed by the positive results it brings.
4. Do you look presentable?
Looking presentable before your spouse is an emphatic way of showing your love.
During your dating days both were always eager to look your best.
But after marriage, you totally let yourself go. You become flabby. You are invariably disheveled and unkempt when at home. You never realize that your spouse feels tensed and irritated just looking at you.
Being physically attractive is essential to keep the interest of your spouse in you alive.
It is sad that while you take care to look your best to the outside world, you present a totally shabby picture when at home.
Solutions
- Look presentable to your spouse. It easily attracts him\her towards you.
- Maintain your body and make sure that you do not put on tons flab in your body.
- Wear well fitting clothes when at home.
Being presentable is crucial to be physically attractive to your spouse.
5. Do you listen to your spouse?
How will you feel when there is no one to listen to your problems?
You will feel alone and lost, don’t you?
It is more so in married life. You want your spouse to listen to you. But sadly, this never happens in your marriage.
Are you a man who feels that your wife is being very repetitive and makes mountain out of a mole?
You are wrong.
Are you a woman who turns shrewish when your husband confesses his mistakes?
You are also wrong.
Solutions
Listening with empathy makes your spouse feel cared and loved by you.
- Make your spouse understand that he\she has your full attention.
- Maintain direct contact with your spouse.
- Don’t give halfhearted answers to the queries of your spouse. It makes him\her feel terribly upset.
- Give understanding answers so that your spouse instantly feels your care and love.
Listening empathetically to your spouse is an essential ingredient for a happy marriage.
6. Is your home neat and tidy?
Are you wondering what a neat home has to do with a good marriage?
In fact, a lot!
How will you feel when you return tired from work to find your home littered ?
If your home is a scene of complete disorder with things strewn around, you will feel your nerves crawl in frustration and anger. Your work-related tension becomes even more aggravated.
All you want is to yell and scream at your spouse. You think your spouse does not care enough for you to keep the house clean.
Solution
- Keep things in its place
- Teach your children keep their things neat and tidy.
- Maintaining the home is no longer a woman’s duty as she too has to go for work.
- Husband too has the duty of sharing the household chores with willingness.
Just as your physical appearance, a neat and beautiful home adds to the beauty of a good marriage.
7. Are your children well behaved?
The behavior of your children decides the comfort level of your relationship.
Are your children unruly and rude?
Do they often throw temperamental tantrums?
Do they back answer you before others?
The misbehavior of your children makes you fight with your spouse about it, doesn’t it?
Solutions
- Teach your children to behave in a respectful manner.
- Guide your children not to behave like adults before your friends to show themselves as someone who knows everything.
- Be strict so that they do not use profanities.
- Never allow them to yell and scream when they are in your friends\relatives house.
Good and well-behaved children are byproducts of good marriage. It speaks volumes of your parental efficiency and bring beauty to your marriage.
8. Do you enjoy excellent companionship with your spouse?
You must evaluate your marriage to see whether you enjoy good companionship with your spouse.
Do you take the words of your spouse literally and pick up fights with him\her?
Do you search for topics to talk with your spouse?
Do you feel you have nothing in common with your spouse?
If the answer to these questions is a yes, it spells danger to your relationship.
Solutions
- Spend quality time with your spouse.
- Laugh together.
- Share common hobbies which make you spend hours discussing it.
- Watch TV together.
- Take whatever your spouse says in the true spirit.
- Share your feelings.
- Respect each other.
You can enjoy excellent relationship with your spouse only when there is easy companionship between you.
9.Do you compare your spouse with others?
Comparing your spouse with others can do irrevocable damage to your marriage.
Why do you compare your spouse with your friends\colleagues\relatives?
You think that it will prod your spouse do better in his\her life. But you will find that the reversal happens.
- Why aren’t you earning as good as your friend?
- Why can’t you be as smart as your colleague?
- Your brother\sister seems cleverer than you.
Your spouse hates you for this.
Solutions
- Be appreciative towards the tiny success of your spouse.
- Never ever compare your spouse with others.
- Be encouraging.
When you do not compare your spouse with others, it speaks volumes of your understanding. But when you compare, the time has come to evaluate your marriage.
10. Do you respect the family of your spouse?
Do you degrade the family of your spouse?
Do you restrict your spouse from helping his\her family?
When you degrade the family of your spouse, it makes him\her hate you inwardly.
It makes you argue and fight with each other. And the result is bitterness and animosity.
Solutions
- Respect the family of your spouse.
- Never interfere when your spouse helps them financially.
- Show excellent hospitality when they visit you.
- Don’t pick fights regarding them with your spouse.
- Set clear boundaries so that your in-laws do not exceed their limits.
When you love, respect and get along fine with the family of your spouse it makes him\her do the same to your family.
Conclusion
“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” -Dave Maurer
When you evaluate your marriage, you will understand the missing qualities in your relationship.
There is always room for improvement in marriage.
So, make efforts to bring in these elements to your marriage so that you too can enjoy a good married life.
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