Do you know apologizing to your spouse has become an almost forgotten element in most marriages?
“I hate my husband when he takes me for granted” fumed my friend angrily.
“What makes you say so?” I asked her.
“Well, he insults me consistently when he has work related pressures. The next day he goes about his work as if nothing has happened. He does not have the decency to apologize to me. When my husband tramples my emotions and does not apologize, I feel so used’ my friend literally gritted her teeth in frustrated anger.
My friend was very normal in feeling hurt when her husband inflicted his frustrations on her. She would not have been so resentful if her husband had apologized to her.
Her rage against her husband was not for his anger, but for his attitude of not apologizing for the hurt he inflicted on her.
Can you see that my friend would have forgiven her husband if only he had apologized for his anger?
But when my friend’s husband did not apologize, she was right in feeling angry with him.
If my friend’s husband consistently made her feel resentful by not apologizing, she will definitely store all her resentments in her mind.
Her built up resentments would act like sediments which one day could choke her relationship.
I am sure my friend is not a lone case of feeling hurt when there is no apology and regret for the hurt inflicted.
In fact, this is what happens in most modern marriages.
Are you also a culprit in not apologizing to your spouse?
If so, it is time you changed yourself.
Why do you desist from apologizing to your spouse?
You have tremendous work-related pressures. You are harassed by the competition all around you. So naturally you have to be on your toes to keep pace with the rat race you face in your profession.
What happens to your mentality when you live in such a competitive atmosphere?
- You are always tensed and stressed.
- Your nerves are stretched to the extremes that you easily lose your patience.
- You are so impatient that you vent your anger on your spouse to relieve your tension.
- You eventually make your spouse your punching bag.
- You make your spouse angry by uttering harsh and degrading words.
Your spouse would not be left behind. He\she retaliates with equal vengeance and both fight with each other as if you were enemies.
In actual fact you do not mean the harsh words you utter in your anger. Actually, your anger is an outlet to drain the stress and frustration you are experiencing.
It is very common occurrence in almost all marriages.
You make the atmosphere in your relationship heated and hostile by being rash and impatient. The simple trick to do away with the resentment you create in your relationship is by apologizing to your spouse.
Yes!
The agony and anguish your spouse suffer from when you utter degrading words will never disappear if you do not offer an apology.
If you ignore the after effects of your words and think that you have done nothing wrong, it has a very nightmarish effect in your married life.
When you interact with your spouse as if nothing happened, the resentment he\she feels destroys your relationship.
Why are you averse to apologizing to your spouse?
- You are too egoistic to say sorry.
- You feel you have done nothing wrong.
- You never understand the agony you have inflicted on your spouse.
- You never have the decency to apologize for the wrong you have done.
A simple “I am sorry” can do wonders to your marriage.
“Please forgive me” simple words which shows that you have realized your mistake.
A simple explanation for the reason behind your anger could make your spouse understand you much better.
Can you see it is simple to pacify your spouse by offering a sincere apology?
But you always feel that you are right and your spouse is wrong.
These are the kind of hurts you normally inflict on your spouse.
- You thrust your work-related tension on your spouse.
- You turn away from your spouse when you should be supporting him\her.
- You insult the family of your spouse to vent your anger or frustration.
- You degrade your spouse in the presence of your friends\relatives.
- You suspect your spouse and ask insultingly probing questions.
These are just the tip of the icing of the insults you and your spouse inflict on each other.
There are many more!
It is very human to flare up in anger when you are tensed and stressed. But to think that your spouse is a dustbin to spit all your pent-up frustrations and disappointments is a major relationship disaster.
If at all you fought bitterly with your spouse because of your tension or stress, ease the strained atmosphere between you by offering a sincere apology.
You are not surrendering to your spouse when you apologize. You are only nurturing your marriage.
How should you be apologizing to your spouse?
- A namesake apology will only intensify the anger of your spouse.
- Apologize as if you really mean it. It makes your spouse easily forget his\her anger and resentment.
- Explain to your spouse what made you angry. It makes your spouse understand his\her mistakes.
- Make you apology more effective by taking your spouse out. This simple trick instantly lightens the atmosphere between you.
- Never try to prove that you were not in the wrong. If you do so, your spouse will never accept your apology. It will only create tons of resentment in him\her. Instead of diffusing the resentment, it will only intensify it.
- When there are differences of opinion between you, accept it. Do not make it into an issue and fight over it.
Conclusion
“A stiff apology is a second insult. The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he had been hurt.” -Gilbert K. Chesterton
It is so easy to spurt out in anger. But it is very difficult to make the resentment felt by your spouse to disappear.
So, think twice before you spurt out in anger.
If at all you are impulsive in bursting out in uncontrolled rage, make remedy by apologizing to your spouse.
Your ego will never be bruised if you say you are sorry.
In fact, your spouse loves you for it.
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