There are many a time you indulge in doubting your spouse, don’t you?
What makes you suspect your spouse?
Often, your reasons are silly and a fabrication of your imagination.
When your spouse is late from work, you feel he\she is seeing someone behind your back.
When he\she is friendly with the opposite sex, it is always a sign of extramarital affair to you.
Why do you doubt your spouse?
- Lack of trust is the main reason for your suspicion.
Marriage survives and thrives on mutual trust. When you have all sorts of doubts about your spouse, you cannot enjoy a moment of peace in your marriage.
- Lack of respect makes you have degrading thoughts about your spouse.
When you do not respect your spouse, you find it comfortable to spy and snoop on him\her with the sole reason of demeaning him\her.
- Over possessiveness can also make you feel suspicious.
You want your spouse to be all yours 24\7. When your spouse takes time off for his\her much needed personal space; you will have nothing of it.
You doubting nature makes you visualize unwanted things about your spouse. You literally bombard your spouse with doubting questions.
“Where have you been?”
“Who was with you?”
“Why are you late?”
“Why didn’t you pick up my calls?”
Questions which clearly depict that you are suspicious about your spouse.
“I think my husband is having an affair” my friend Veena blurted out.
“Why do you say so? I think you are being unreasonably suspicious about Kannan” I told her firmly.
Kannan, her husband, was also a good friend of mine.
“Do you know he is persistently late from work for the past three months? When I asked him, he says he was in the office. But I know he wasn’t” Veena fumed.
‘Are you spying on Kannan?’ I asked her worryingly.
“Why shouldn’t I? I asked his friends about his work timings. They say he leaves his office as usual. So, he has been lying to me. I am sure he is seeing someone. I now fight with my husband daily about this” my friend was confirmed that her husband was having an extra marital affair.
I knew Kannan would never cheat Veena. He had a different story to tell.
“I go to see my parents after my office hours. My wife never likes them. So, I have to see them without her knowing about it. If I tell her the truth she will definitely prevent me from seeing my parents’ Kannan fumed with anger.
Veena’s suspicion was actually a fabrication of her imagination. And I felt that Kannan too could have confided to my friend about his visits to his parents. He was just being a dutiful son, nothing else.
Yes.
Most often hiding the truth also leads to doubting your spouse.
Do you feel happy in your relationship when you keep on doubting your spouse?
You do not.
You are very unhappy and depressed.
What should you do to overcome your habit of doubting your spouse?
1. Be transparent
You should not be guarded and secretive with your spouse. This brings in unnecessary suspicion into your relationship.
You should explain to your spouse the reason behind your late coming from office. It does not in any way degrade you when you explain to your spouse.
You should be transparent in your money dealings. Never hide your financial commitments and spending from your spouse.
When you expect your spouse to be open with you, he\she too expects the same from you.
2. Be friendly
Friendliness with your spouse does away with many misgivings which you might otherwise have.
When you are friendly your spouse, you feel free to discuss any relationship issues that arise between you.
3. Trust your spouse
When your spouse offers an explanation to any of your doubts, accept it.
When you keep digging deeper and deeper, the questions you raise makes your spouse feel you are being nosy and snooping.
4. Have mutual respect
When you respect your spouse, you will never doubt him\her.
You should respect the personal space of your spouse.
Do not think that your spouse should accept your suspicious nature as a part of your marriage package.
Your spouse definitely would not.
5. Never snoop on your spouse
When you snoop on your spouse, it makes your relationship tensed and heated.
Do not check on the mobile of your spouse.
Do not check his\her social media activities.
Do not eavesdrop when your spouse is talking to someone.
6. Have your own work
Keep yourself preoccupied with your own work.
Love does not mean both should breathe down each other’s neck 24\7. When you are idle, you keep thinking about the activities of your spouse.
You visualize many things about your spouse which has not happened.
7. Never let your imagination go wild
Do not keep building up imaginary and prejudiced views about the activities of your spouse.
A friendly conversation with the opposite sex does not mean your spouse is having an extra marital affair.
Having wrong thoughts about your spouse is a terrible mistake you make when you keep on doubting him\her.
8. Talk it out
If at all you have valid reasons to doubt your spouse, you have all the right to ask for a clarification.
But, it should in no way be a tirade of accusations based on hearsay from a third person.
Conclusion
Doubting your spouse is a grave relationship blunder. Actually, it is a byproduct of incompatibility and non- communication you have in your relationship.
Suspicion and snooping destroys your marriage. You can never rebuild your marriage after spilling out doubting words.
You do not want this to happen to your marriage, do you?
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Pls help me
Hi Rebecca,
You have to mention your problems. I am more than ready to help you.