The first year of marriage makes you all confused about your relationship, doesn’t it?
- The physical proximity of spouse excites you.
- It feels wonderful to have someone to share your feelings and emotions.
- You are smug that you have married the right person.
- You are sure that your married life would be rosy and problem free.
But as days go by, the first year of marriage brings drastic changeover in your life.
- You are stunned by the responsibilities you are loaded with.
- You are non plussed when you become answerable to your spouse.
- You cannot believe that there is an unknown side of your spouse.
- You are shocked that your spouse has habits you dislike.
- You are dazed to see that your spouse is not exactly the person you loved.
Can you see that as days goes by, the first year of marriage becomes confusing and baffling to you?
There are times when you feel whether you have done the right thing in marrying your spouse. It is because your spouse seems a totally different person you loved and married.
Well!
Do not worry.
You are not alone in feeling so.
Almost all couples are confused and baffled in the first year of marriage.
Do you know why?
When you marry your spouse, you have all sort of rosy dreams about your married life. You feel nothing could go wrong between you. But you are stunned, when your marriage turns out to be completely in contrast to your expectations.
“Ouch, that really hurts” I told myself when the new slippers I bought cut into my flesh. The slippers felt too tight and uncomfortable that I took it off.
“Do not remove the slippers. It feels tight and biting because it is new. As you keep wearing it, your feet will get adjusted to it. The strap of the slippers will loosen and you will no longer feel the bite” my mother who was watching, told me.
How true she was!
Within a week of wearing the new slippers, my feet got adjusted to it and I did not feel the bite.
Are you wondering why I am talking about my slippers, when I should be talking about the problems in the first year of marriage?
Everything new takes time to get adjusted with.
Your marriage too takes time to settle down. As a newly married couple, you will face lot of relationship problems in your first year of marriage.
If you feel aggravated by your initial marriage problems, you are going to miss living a fulfilling married life.
When two people from diversified family background unite to coexist together, it is only natural that certain problems creep up to disturb your mental peace.
Instead of waiting for your marriage to settle down, you become impatient and consider your initial problems as a signal that your relationship would not work. In your intolerance, you resort to the extreme step of separation.
This is what happens in most modern marriages.
How can you understand your spouse within a few months of your marriage?
Your spouse is from an entirely different upbringing. So, it is only natural that his\her way of living is different from yours. If you make a big deal about these differences that exist between you, your marriage cannot survive.
Your spouse will never be your clone. He\she will be imperfect in many ways. But you should realize that you too are not perfect, and that you too disappoint your spouse in many ways.
Being perfectly adjusting to the imperfections of your spouse, is the only way to make your marriage work.
Here are the common relationship issues you will face in the first year of marriage.
1. Personal habits of your spouse
When in love, you never really know the personal habits of your spouse. Your spouse also puts his\her best foot forward to get into your good books.
Naturally, you are mesmerized by the attractive outer façade of your spouse.
But marriage means living with your spouse, 24\7. It is now your spouse sheds all his\her pretense, and shows his\her real self.
A reality which shocks you.
- Your spouse snores.
- He\she slurps while eating.
- He\she is messy and disorganized.
- Your spouse has filthy personal habits.
You are taken aback when your spouse sheds his\her neat appearance, and looks completely disheveled and unkempt when at home.
You lose your fancy for your spouse, and feel that he\she is unattractive and unappealing.
It is a fact, that most of you feel utterly disappointed by the personal habits of your spouse, even as you enter the first year of marriage.
2. Money dealings
Before marriage you are so used to handling all your hard-earned money by yourself. You were not answerable to anyone. You spent at will, and no one questioned you.
But right in the first year of marriage, your spouse makes you answerable to all your money dealings.
- Your spouse questions your spending.
- He\she places restrictions in the way you spend your money.
- You are ridiculed when you buy things you like.
- When you have no control over the money you earn, you feel cheated and leeched by your spouse.
Do you know the initial relationship problem you face in the first year of marriage is money issues?
3. In laws problems
Your in-laws create tons of unwanted ripples in the first year of marriage.
Unknown to you, after marriage, the parents of your spouse play a vital role in your life.
- Your in-laws often instigate your spouse against you.
- They emotionally blackmail your spouse.
- They ridicule you behind your back.
When your in laws intrude into your family life, you feel unable to adjust with them.
Your dressing, your behavior come under the scanning eyes of your in laws. And you do not like it a wee bit.
Isn’t it a fact that you often fight with your spouse regarding your in laws?
4. Ignored looks and weight gain
It is surprising how your appearance changes in the first year of marriage itself.
You no longer try to attract your spouse with your appearance. It is as though you have ceased to care about it. You just let go your looks. You become flabby and obese.
You are not presentable when at home. Naturally, your spouse feels irritated by your shabby looks and disheveled appearance.
You never realize that your spouse has stopped feeling attracted to you when you let yourself go.
5. Dominance and control
Before marriage, you did things the way you liked. You dressed the way you liked. You made decisions the way you liked.
But after the first year of marriage, you are irritated when your spouse tries to take over your life by intruding into your personal zone.
- Your spouse tries to change you, according to his\her wishes.
- He\she intrudes into your way of doing things.
- Your spouse makes many decisions for you.
- You cannot do a thing without asking the permission of your spouse.
Often, trying to dominate and control create tons of relationship problems between you.
Conclusion
“When marrying, ask yourself this question. Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
Never lose your marriage by being impatient and intolerant. It takes years before your marriage slides into a comfortable and cozy togetherness.
I have started a new Youtube channel “Marriage Realities”
It is a comprehensive relationship channel which deals with all sort of relationship issues married couples face.
Subscribe to my channel to understand your marriage in a new light.
Here is the link to “Marriage Realities”
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNrT3KOkTU5ITQMyYnVsxGQ
You will find many videos which will be an answer to your relationship problem.
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