There are times you feel unloved and lonely, when your husband needs space, don’t you?
You wonder how he could spend long hours alone, without wanting to interact with you.
“I think my husband has lost his love for me. If he really loved me, he would want to spend time with me. But strangely my husband says he needs his space” you often break your head about his aloof attitude.
Do not worry.
Your husband does love you.
Then why should your husband mostly spends his time doing his own thing?
To really understand why your husband needs space, you must think from his male angle.
1. His butchered ego needs some lonely time to heal
Your husband as a man is all aggressive outside, but all sensitive inside.
He never lets down his guard, as he does not want you to think that he is a weak and a meek person. Your husband is unsure of your reaction if he openly displays his mental weakness.
Your husband wants you to see him as a very courageous person, though in actual fact he is not.
Your husband does not have your will power to withstand the nerve wracking family issues you often face.
Unlike you, he easily buckles under family pressures. When there is a family issue which he cannot solve, your husband gets all knotted up.
This is the reason he wants you to handle family issues without demanding him to be involved in it.
But without understanding your husband’s emotional dependency on you, you resort to nagging about his inability to handle family issues.
You never realize that unknowingly you have shamed your husband. He shrinks within himself in helpless frustration against his incapacity to handle family issues. He is ashamed that you think of him as a lesser person.
Your husband needs space to recover from his shattered male ego.
2. Your husband needs alone time to overcome his sense of shame
Do you know your husband needs space when he spills out his pent-up frustrations on you?
Your husband needs some alone time to calm himself from the shame he feels for having hurt you.
As a man, it is his nature to lash out at you when he is angry. He often unwinds his work related stress and other pressures by uttering harsh words against you.
But in actual fact yout husband does not mean whatever hurting words he utters in anger.
The aftermath of his angry outburst is remorse. He spends some lonely time trying to figure out how to console you.
3. Your husband stays away from you to avoid confrontation
There are also times, when your husband wants to be away from you when he is angry and moody. He knows he will hurt you with wounding words if he is with you.
So, your husband steps away from home to spend his time alone. His alone time is his thinking time. He cools down only when he spends his time away from you.
4. Your husband likes doing things he is passionate about
When you insist that your husband spend all his time with you, he feels frustrated and annoyed by your clinging nature.
Your husband feels utterly bored when he does not have his personal time to do things he likes.
When there is no space between you, things get boring for both.
Your husband feels suffocated when he has to play the role of a husband\father without time for his passion. It makes him feel jailed.
5. Your husband never let goes his freedom
Your husband feels his freedom restricted when you do not allow him to do things he likes.
It is natural that you want your husband to spend time with you. You think he has the responsibility to share family duties along with you.
But your husband is not as duty conscious as you towards your family. Though he adores his family, he does not have your willingness to forgo personal pleasures for the sake of the family.
Your husband will never let go his passion for movies\sports\hobbies just because he has family duties.
You can spend hours with your children without getting bored with them. But your husband is not built for it. He plays with his children only as long as his mood allows him to do it.
After that, he is all set for his space – his alone time.
6. Your husband is different from you
You like to mingle with relatives and friends. You like interacting with them. You like gossiping with them.
But your husband is made different. He is basically a loner. He likes his own circle of friends. He is very uncomfortable when he is with people he is not familiar with.
When you force your husband to accompany you to visit people with whom he is not acquainted, he fumes and frets with anger. You feel your husband is behaving unreasonably childish, but he feels you are being unreasonably controlling.
When you advise your husband about his responsibilities it makes him feel tensed as he feels you depict as an irresponsible family man. He hates it when you advise him about his duties.
You like discussing family issues. Your husband never wants to entangle in it, as he does not have the capacity to deal with it.
When you are too emotional, your husband becomes tensed as he does not have the capacity to deal with it.
You like talking while your husband wants silence. You like interacting about anything under the sky. Your husband likes talking only about things that interest him.
Unlike you, family is not the entire life of your husband. It is only a part of his life. Though your husband is dependent on you for his emotionally security, he will never forgo his freedom to do things he likes.
This is the reason your husband needs his space.
Has your husband stopped loving you just because he needs his alone time?
No.
He loves you. But after your marriage settles down to normalcy, he never thinks of demonstrating his love as he feels you should understand it without him displaying it.
What should you do when your husband wants his space?
- Give the space your husband needs.
- Allow him to watch his favorite shows without clinging to him.
- Give him the liberty to go with his friends.
- Let him laze around the house doing his thing.
- But, you must pull your husband up when you see him acting as though he has no duties towards his family.
Yes!
The trick to handle your husband is to keep him on a long leash. When he tries to get too much away from you without doing anything for the family, it is time for you to step in.
But do not make your husband a culprit. If you do so, he will definitely go into his shell.
Talk to your husband in a friendly manner. Never nag him. Be his friendly companion. Laugh with him. Be an understanding wife so that your husband wants to spend his time with you.
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