Do you feel over possessiveness about your spouse?
Never be so.
It kills your relationship.
Of course, you cannot help but be possessive about your spouse. It is in actual fact a very normal feeling. You don’t feel possessive about every Tom, Dick and Harry. You feel possessive about only the person you ardently love.
So, there is nothing wrong in feeling possessive about your spouse. In reality, it is a most needed ingredient for the longevity of your marriage.
Do you know why?
Without possessives you cannot enjoy a sense of belonging in your married life.
Let me explain.
Let us suppose you are in a crowd. You look at the people gathered there and you feel nothing about them. You scarcely notice them also. But when you happen to meet your spouse amongst the crowd, you instantly feel an emotional connectivity. You face lights up and you smile at your spouse with love and affection.
Why didn’t you feel anything about the other people in the crowd?
It is because they did not belong to you.
Why did you lighten up when you saw your spouse?
It is because you felt a sense of belonging towards him\her.
This sense of belonging you feel about your spouse is completely due to your possessiveness towards him\her.
When you feel your spouse belongs to you, you inevitably become possessive about him\her. You also feel a wee bit jealous when your spouse is too friendly with the opposite sex.
Can your marriage survive without this sort of possessiveness?
No!
It cannot.
How can you live with a person whom you do not feel is your own?
You live as a family only when there is a sense of belonging towards each other.
You feel possessive only about your spouse and not about everyone. It is because you feel he\she belongs to you.
But what happens when this feeling of possessiveness crosses its border?
It becomes over-possessiveness. This overdose of possessiveness makes your spouse feel jailed, and fettered.
“My wife never allows me to interact with my parents” Kumaresan, a boy I knew told me.
“She says she loves me so much that she cannot bear to see me interacting even with my parents” the young man looked frustrated.
“My wife keeps calling during my office hours to ask doubting questions about my female colleagues. Nowadays I find it impossible to tolerate her over possessiveness. My wife says that it is her overly love towards me that is making her feel over possessive. It is not so with me. I feel she has stolen my freedom and making me feel jailed” Kumaresan fumed with anger.
Can you see how the over possessive nature of his wife made Kumaresan feel claustrophobic in his relationship.
Yes!
“My spouse is mine” – this feeling makes you feel committed and responsible towards him\her.
“My spouse is only mine” this overpowering clinging nature makes you feel that your spouse should be at your beck and call 24x\7.
Do you know this over possessiveness about your spouse makes him\her feel overwhelmed with anger and frustration?
What happens when there is over possessiveness about your spouse?
- You demand the attention of your spouse 24\7.
- You breathe down his\her neck in the name of love.
- You never give your spouse his\her personal space.
- You spy on the whereabouts of your spouse as you feel he\she has no right to enjoy life without your presence.
- You hate it when your spouse interacts with his\her parents\friends\relatives\colleagues.
- You never allow him\her a single moment of freedom.
- You call your spouse during work hours and make him\her feel bored by your inquisitive questions.
- You want him\her at your beck and call, always and every time.
- You are selfish and concentrated only on you.
- You are always suspicious and doubtful about your spouse.
- You keep checking the messages of your spouse as you are ever doubtful and suspicious.
Can you see how your over possessive behavior literally makes you barge into the personal zone of your spouse?
It is very dangerous to your relationship. It makes your spouse feel as if he\she is imprisoned by you.
“My spouse is mine” is a beautiful emotion which makes you feel caring and loving towards him\her.
‘My spouse is only mine’ is an oppressive emotion which shackles your spouse and makes him\her feel annoyed and irritated by your over powering display of love.
When you feel that your spouse belongs only to you and no else has any right to interact with him\her, your over possessiveness makes him\her feel jailed in a relationship which does not give him\her the oxygen of freedom.
Your spouse fumes at your tiring and tyrannical attitude towards him\her. He\she also feels emotionally blackmailed by your overbearing and overwhelming love.
Why does over possessiveness about your spouse happen in your marriage?
Actually, you become over possessive only when you are unsure about the love of your spouse.
You also do not know the difference between the love your spouse has for you from the love he\she has for his friends\relatives\parents.
So, you cling to your spouse and show your love in an overpowering manner in the hope to attract his\her love.
In reality the opposite happens!
Your spouse is repulsed by your unreasonable and overpowering way of taking up all his\her time leaving him\her with no personal space for himself\herself.
Conclusion
‘’Be the love of your love, not the slave of your love.” –Amit Kalantri
Do you know marriage is one relationship wherein every emotion should be in the right balance for you to enjoy its goodness?
A little too much and a little too less of any emotion can wreck your marriage.
Too much anger, too much pessimism, too much independence, and too much aloofness destroy your marriage.
Too less love, too less responsibility, too less interaction, too less freedom also demolishes your marriage.
Too less personal space destroys the mental peace of your spouse.
Over possessiveness about your spouse is an emotion you should shun from your married life. Because it in no way enhances your relationship. It in fact places restrictive fetters around your spouse, making him\her feel jailed and bored to live with you.
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