Many a time, the question is asked whether a man should give more importance to his parents or wife.
This is indeed a complex decision you as a man can ever make.
You struggle to come to a conclusion, as you want to be a dutiful son as well as a loving husband.
When there is a tug of war between your wife and your parents, your world becomes clouded with guilt and confusion.
Guilt that you cannot completely side with your parents.
And confusion because you just do not know what to do.
You love your parents dearly.
You want to look after them as long as they live.
Before marriage, you did not have an iota of doubt that you will be rethinking about your decision.
You spent quality time with your parents and you felt that you were being a good and loving son.
But after your marriage, the scenario in your life changes, dramatically.
After the entry of your wife into your life, your life takes a three sixty degree turn.
When you marry your wife, you want her and your parents to get along without any fights between them.
You are blissfully unaware about the test you are going to be put into.
Everything is fine between your wife and your parents for a few months after your marriage.
Your wife and your parents seem to co-exist in peace.
And you are happy that your wife is having excellent relationship with your parents.
But your happiness last only for a few months.
Just after a few months after your marriage, things take a dramatic turn in your life. Your parents and your wife gradually have many disagreements between them.
And the one to suffer in the war of supremacy between your wife and your parents is you.
Both would not adjust. Your wife and your parents would rather fight it out, than adjust to each other.
Not only this, each want you to side with them.
Your parents accuse you that you are siding with your wife and sidetracking them.
Your wife accuses you that you are ignoring her, and giving more importance to your parents.
Now begins your struggle.
As things get worse between your parents and your wife, you are all at seas as to whose side you should take.
Parents or wife? Who is more important to you?
You literally break your head, feeling unable to come to a conclusion.
It is true that your parents mean a lot to you. You are what you are, because of your parents. You owe your success and social status to them.
You feel nostalgic when you think of the care and affection with which your parents brought you up. You are emotional when you think about the sacrifices your parents made in bringing you up.
And you want them with you as long as they live.
Does this mean you should take the side of your parents?
This is a million-dollar question.
Because if you take the side of your parents, your wife will at logger heads with you. You well know that your life is now bonded with your wife.
So, you should also look from the angle of your wife. Your wife married you with a dream that you will protect and cherish her. And your wife wants to be the priority in your life.
She wants you to give her more importance than you give to your parents.
Does this mean you should give more importance to your wife?
Again, this is a million-dollar question.
The situation will be tough on you. You should be prepared to undergo multiple steps before coming to a final decision.
The first step is explanation.
You should explain to your parents that you love them and will be a dutiful son always.
You should explain to your wife that you love her. But along with your love for her, you also have duties towards your parents.
You must make your parents understand that your love for your wife will never come between the love you have for them.
You must also tell your wife, that the love you have for your parents is different from the love you have for her.
And you must tell both your parents and your wife how mentally disturbed you are because of their fights.
If both your parents and your wife understand you at this level, you are indeed lucky.
But often, this does not happen.
You will be left to take many other steps in resolving the issues between your parents and your wife.
The second step you should take is letting your parents and your wife to resolve their own problems.
Your parents are experienced adults.
Your wife is also mature enough to understand how she should handle the issues she is facing with her in-laws.
You have already explained that both mean a lot in your life.
You cannot keep on proving your love to your parents and to your wife.
Step aside to allow the space for both to come to a conclusion about how to sort out their differences.
The final decision-making steps of deciding your stance of choosing between your parents or wife.
What should you do when things take the turn for the worse, even after all your trying?
You should finally realize that there can never be a truce between your parents and your wife.
Now, you are in a dilemma.
Should you side with your parents?
If you do so, you will lose your marriage.
Should you side your wife?
If you do so, your parents will feel tremendously hurt.
You should now make up your mind to do the best thing to come out of this tight situation.
Here is now, your parents have a great role to play. They should understand that your life is now with your wife. They should also realize that they will be leaving you midway of your life.
Your parents should realize that you will always remain their dear son.
They must magnanimously withdraw from your life.
Does this mean you are deserting your parents?
No.
It does not mean like that.
You will not be physically present with your parents, 24\7.
But you will be there for them whenever they need you.
You should never stop helping your parents, financially.
You should never stop visiting them, frequently.
You should often invite your parents to your home, so that they spend some quality time with you and your children.
Times have changed.
And with time, your parents should realize that they should let you live your own life. Without making you feel guilty that you are ignoring them.
Your wife should also realize that she cannot completely detach herself from her in-laws. And that her in-laws are her extended family.
CONCLUSION
Being united, even when living apart from each other is best solution available to you.
To you as a man, your parents are very important to you. And your wife is also equally important.
So, love your parents because they are your parents.
Love your wife, because she is your life partner.
Make “love forever until death do us part” your relationship goal.
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