Are you wondering why minor arguments develop into major fights in your marriage?
Marriage without arguments does not exist anywhere in the world.
Almost all couple argue.
You too argue with your spouse, don’t you?
It is very natural that you argue with your spouse when you have a contrasting view. There is nothing wrong in it. In fact, it is very needed in your marriage.
When you do not argue with your spouse, you can never make your viewpoint felt by him\her. When your spouse does not argue with you, he\she cannot make his\her viewpoint felt by you.
When you cannot spill out your feelings and emotions, you suppress it within you. And hidden emotions and feelings has the devastating power of a volcano. Your suppressed emotions will erupt with a volcanic force one day to wreck your relationship.
So, it is of paramount importance that you let off your steam by arguing with your spouse about your dissent. When you do that, you do not store unwanted emotions against him\her.
But most of you never argue with your spouse. Rather you fight it out with him\her.
While arguments make you understand the viewpoint of your spouse, fights make you drift away from him\her.
Are you confused?
There is a vast difference between an argument and a fight.
- Your arguments are mild while your fights are bitter.
- Your arguments are momentary flash of anger while your fights are severe outbursts of suppressed anger and resentment.
- Your arguments are over within a few hours and your relationship is back to normal, while your fights extend for days.
- You forget the anger caused by your arguments easily, but you are unable to forgive the scar left behind by your fights.
So, as long as your arguments do not develop into major fights between you, it spells good for your marriage.
You can argue with your spouse, but it should end then and there.
If it extends for days, your minor arguments develop into major fights between you.
It is dangerous for your marriage.
What happens when your arguments extend a little further than needed?
You now make minor arguments develop into major fights between you that it becomes a villain to your married life.
Now let us see why you argue with your spouse.
You are not a robot to be always smiling. You are very human to disagree to many things that your spouse does.
You have so much work-related stress that you flare at the slightest provocation.
When the behavior of your spouse irritates you, you argue with him\her.
When you do not agree to the views of your spouse, you argue to put forth your diversified views.
This is a normal marriage scenario.
You are a liar if you say you do not have such arguments with your spouse.
But when you extend your arguments into fights it wrecks your marriage. When bitter fights becomes a common scenario in your marriage, your relationship with your spouse become highly volatile and volcanic.
Here are the top reasons why your minor arguments develop into major fights
1. You are egoistic
When you are egoistic, you do not agree to whatever your spouse says. You are so conceited that you feel you know what is best for the family.
So, when your spouse argues with you about his\her different thoughts your egoistic nature will have nothing to do with it.
You never budge from your stand. Your adamancy makes your spouse flare up against you. Now, you too will not let your spouse go unscathed. You fight bitterly with him\her as if he\she was your enemy.
Your arguments are no longer mild, it develops into major fights between you, with both accusing each other to perfection.
The next day sees a fresh outburst of fights accruing between you.
When your fights extend for days, it clearly shows that you are too egoistic to adjust with your spouse.
2. You never see to eye in anything
Both agree to disagree.
You do not agree about the spending habits of your spouse.
You do not agree to the way your spouse does his\her work.
You do not agree to the way your spouse deals with your children.
Whatever your spouse does meets with complete disagreement from you. When you do not understand that your spouse is not your Xerox copy, you find fault in whatever he\she does.
You are so angry about the disagreement you have with your spouse that you no longer argue about it. You bitterly fight about it.
Can you how minor arguments develop into major fights between you?
3. You become indifferent towards your spouse
When you are indifferent towards your spouse, you lose all your love for him\her. When love is lost between you, the niceties of marriage disappears from your relationship.
When your spouse is disheartened, you do not give him\her emotional support.
You make degrading comments about your spouse, making him\her feel abused.
The minor faults of your spouse become reasons for you to fight with him\her.
You want to hurt your spouse at any cost. So, you fight with the intention of making your spouse unhappy.
You will never let go even if your spouse retreats back. You push forward with your venomous attack on your spouse that your fights extend for days.
4. You dig up old fights
Digging up old fights makes mild arguments develop into major fights between you. When you do not forget the bitterness of your old fights, the resentment it caused remains within you.
Stored resentment against your spouse is very lethal to your marriage. It makes you bitter against your spouse. You wait for an opportunity to show how furious you are with your spouse.
Your present fight becomes your weapon to rekindle your old fights. When you bring your old fights back to life, your present fights become ferocious and venomous.
5. You want to end your marriage
When you fight for silly reasons it simply means that you have lost all love for your spouse.
When you lose your love for your spouse, all you want to do is to end your marriage. You become impatient towards everything your spouse does.
You argue at the drop of the hat.
You argue with your spouse as if he\she was your enemy. You use expletives. You verbally and physically abuse your spouse. Your stinging words makes your spouse furious against you.
When you do not like being with your spouse, you no longer have minor arguments. You have never-ending fights with the intention of ending your marriage.
Conclusion
“You can measure the happiness of a marriage by the number of scars that each partner carries on their tongues, earned from years of biting back angry words.” –Elizabeth Gilbert
Your wedding plans are very meticulous and amazing. You show incredible interest in making your wedding a cynosure to eyes.
Your dress, the wedding venue, the food all makes your marriage a wonderful experience.
But your wedding is a one-day affair whereas your marriage is a lifelong commitment. It is sad that you do not plan your married life as you plan your wedding day.
I often wonder at the astonishing difference I see in modern couples before and after marriage. You look completely in love and literally glow on your wedding day, but look jaded and dull after a few years of marriage.
Your unrealistic expectations about your spouse play the culprit in making your marriage fumble and tumble towards defeat. And you do not care enough for your marriage to worry about it.
What starts as mild arguments with your spouse develops into fights and brawls about denied rights and bruised egos.
Do not make your minor arguments develop into major fights in your marriage. When you constantly fight with your spouse, you drift too far away from each other.
Arguments add spice to your marriage as the aftermath of making up is romantic and exciting. But bitter fights are like cancer which eats into the goodness of your relationship.
You can argue with your spouse about anything, but you should not extend it into a egoistic fight as it ruins all that is good in your marriage.
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