Most of you never know the psychological effects of divorce on children, do you?
In fact, you do not worry about the emotional turmoil your children are undergoing. On the contrary, you justify your divorce by convincing yourself that you are doing your children a world of good by removing them from a hostile home atmosphere.
When you divorce your spouse, you are more concentrated on your emotions than in the feelings of your children. Your aversion for your spouse is so much that all you want is an out from a marriage you do not like.
You are wrong in feeling so.
Your children are emotionally torn apart when you divorce your spouse.
Your children are emotionally devasted and shattered because your divorce has stolen away the peace they felt when you were united with your spouse.
The mental stability of your children is affected in a very drastic manner as they are unable to come in terms with the fact that one of their parents will be living away from them.
You might have millions of reasons to divorce your spouse. But you do not have a single answer to the confusing questions that arise in your children’s mind.
- Why are my parents divorcing?
- What wrong have I done that I should lose the warmth of a united family?
- Will I be separated from my siblings?
- Why couldn’t my mother\father be adjusting at least for my sake?
- How will I overcome the social stigma of being a child from a broken family?
Your children bombard themselves with such emotionally devastating questions.
Yes!
Your children feel that their life has turned upside down when you divorce your spouse.
But sadly, you never pay any notice to the psychological effects of divorce on children. You are so concentrated on settling your scores with your spouse, that you never understand the trauma of your children.
Why do you never really care about the psychological effects of divorce on children?
You love your children dearly. There is no doubt about it. But when you have differences with your spouse, you are so keyed up about it that you do not want to live with him\her.
The atmosphere in your home is heated up with consistent bitter fights with your spouse. You do not feel like adjusting with your spouse as you feel you are always right and he\she is always wrong.
In your head-long collision with your spouse, you forget the plain fact that your children feel emotionally shattered by their two warring parents.
You justify your stand of divorcing your spouse by telling yourself that your children are also suffering just like you.
It is true that your children are suffering when you have conflicts with your spouse. But the path you chose to deal with it does not go well with your children.
They want you to adjust with your spouse so that they do not become a victim of a broken family.
If only you have a peep into the shocking emotions your children undergo during your divorce, you would think twice before doing it.
Do you want to know the psychological effects of divorce on children?
Here goes
1. Your children lose the security of a united family
When you enjoy a good relationship with your spouse, your children enjoy great emotional security. It means so much to them as they feel protected and sheltered by you and your spouse.
Your children love it when they are with their father\mother\siblings as one big family. They after all love you and your spouse equally.
When you are angry with your children, they have the support of the other parent. It gives your children a stabilizing effect.
When you divorce your spouse, the umbrella of a united family is plucked away from them.
They feel lost when one parent goes away from them. They feel their home empty without the other parent.
2. Your children lose their peace
You might think that though your spouse is not with you, you are there to support your children when they need it. You comfort yourself that your children should not worry about their future as you will always take care of it.
You are not understanding the psychological effects of divorce on children in the right perspective.
Your children might be too young to understand the reasons you divorced your spouse. But they are human enough to experience the vacuum your divorce creates within them.
Your children feel lost as they constantly yearn for the presence of their other parent. But your bitter divorce denies them the company of their father\mother.
Though the court allows a stipulated time for your children to spend time with their other parent, it is just not enough for them.
3. Your children develop various complexities
The social stigma attached to your divorce makes your children develop many complexities. They become bitter at their young age because your separation from your spouse brings in many cynical changes in them.
They lose trust in the institution of marriage.
They become distrustful and pessimistic at their young age itself.
Children from a divorced family have various complexities which children from a united family do not have.
Can you now see this is the most crucial of the psychological effects of divorce on children?
4. Your children become emotionally blackmailing
Your children know that they are your stabilizing factor. Since you have thrown away your marriage, your children become your everything.
You just cannot do without your children. So, they now know that they have you in their hold.
Your children use your emotional dependency on them to their advantage. They use it to fulfil their wishes and desires by emotionally blackmailing you.
When you refuse to bow to their wishes, they throw violent temperamental tantrums forcing you to yield to them.
5. Your children lose interest in their studies
Your children are so emotionally disturbed by your divorce that they are unable to concentrate on their studies.
Naturally their grades go down.
They skip going to classes.
They lie about their performance in their school.
They behave unruly with other students.
Your children vent their disappointment by losing all interest in their education. Sometimes they do it to punish you for having denied them a stable family life.
Conclusion
“Divorce isn’t the child’s fault. Don’t say anything unkind about your ex to the child because you’re really just hurting the child.”-Valerie Bertinelle
Can you see the devastating psychological effects of divorce on children?
A marriage without adjustments does not exist anywhere. Even if you remarry, you must adjust with your new spouse.
Why can’t you adjust with your spouse to save your marriage and thereby save your children from emotional destruction?
It is not enough if you say you love your children and deny them the warmth of a family life which includes your spouse
I have started a new Youtube channel “Marriage Realities.”
It is a comprehensive relationship channel which deals with many of the issues couples face.
Here is the link to my channel!
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNrT3KOkTU5ITQMyYnVsxGQ
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