In this modern age, it is common to see a wife earning more than her husband.
Long ago, husband was considered the unquestionable head of the family. He was also the sole earning member of his family.
His wife stayed at home to look after her husband and children. Since the wife was totally dependent on her husband for her survival, she was meek and submissive to his male domination.
But, it is no longer so.
The financial independence of women, has drastically changed the total scenario of marriage.
Today, a man can never call himself the head of the family, as his wife would never accept it. A wife wants equal rights in all family decisions, because she earns as good as her husband.
Can you see how a financially independent wife, has dethroned her husband from his powerful post as the head of the family, through sheer success in her career?
With the wife becoming financially independent, the poor husband is sometimes at his wit’s end, not knowing about the ways to deal with his lost post.
Now comes the question.
Is a wife earning more than her husband a big relationship problem?
Can your increased earnings, drive a wedge between you and your husband?
No!
It cannot, unless you allow it to.
Let us first see the advantages of earning more than your husband!
Earning more than your husband, is only good for your family. It makes the financial future of your family more secure and stable.
When you earn more than your husband does, you are able to give great social status to your family.
You can give your children the best education. You can afford your own home, jewels, latest gadgets, trendy dresses, and vacations to exotic places. And the list of financial advantages when you earn more is endless.
This is how you should you use your money – for the betterment of your family.
But sadly, it does not happen like this.
Often you become the man of the family, because of the power your increased salary gives you.
The story of Shankar whose wife earned more than him
My cousin Shankar’s wife earned more than him. It was the starting point of all his troubles.
I recently met him in a family function. He looked dull and lackluster.
“What happened Shankar, you look so listless?” I asked him worryingly.
It was as though he was waiting for an outlet for his suppressed emotions.
“It is my wife. You know she earns more than I do. Initially her earnings was equal to me. Everything was fine until then” Shankar looked unhappy.
“My wife changed her company and now her earnings has multiplied two-fold. I felt happy as I thought the extra money will be good for the family. But it did not happen that way” he smiled sadly.
I looked at Shankar without saying a word, as I knew what he was going to say.
“After the income of my wife multiplied, she has changed drastically. She has now turned aggressive and dominating. It has all to do with the extra money she earns,” Shankar ran his fingers over his hair dejectedly.
“Not only that. My wife often lashes at my inefficiency and incompetence to earn more. She has a long complaint list, all pertaining to my inadequacy to earn as good as she does.” my cousin sighed unhappily.
“I hate the way my wife degrades my capacity. Nowadays, I do not love her as I used to,” Shankar walked way, with depression written all over his face.
I could only feel sorry for Shankar.
Can you see how the ego of my cousin was bruised by the superior attitude of his wife?
Your husband also feels his ego shattered when you behave in a dominating manner, just because you earn more than him.
Basically, as a man your husband is egoistic. He wants to dominate you in everything, be it in status, or in earnings. This is his male nature. When you earn more than him, there are times he feels shaken by the power you weld in the family.
You face many more relationship problems when you earn more than your husband.
The vast difference in your earnings makes you argue with your husband regarding money.
Both argue about the money to be shared for mutual family commitments. Both have differences of opinion in dealing with money. Money which should make you financially comfortable, makes you fight bitterly about it.
There are times you become the man of the family because of the power money gives you.
When you earn more than your husband does, you turn aggressive and commanding towards him. You weld your power so forcefully in your family, that your husband shrinks in stature and comes under your total control.
You now demand that you should have more say in family matters, because of your increased income. You are carried away by your success that easily.
What are the signs of your newly assumed power in the family?
- Your voice shoots up, when you put forth your thoughts to your husband.
- You make your own decisions about the family, without consulting your husband.
- You become bossy, and make your husband feel small and unworthy.
- You no longer converse with your husband. You command him.
- You say many biting and hurting words, that bruise the ego of your husband.
You are doing it all wrong.
Your aggressive attitude will destroy your marriage. When the ego of your husband is shattered, he is not happy in his married life. He literally hates your dominating and controlling nature.
During my days, couples did have arguments, but it was mostly about some important family issues. Husband was accepted as the head of the family and the wife was appreciated as the pillar of the family.
But it is not so in modern marriages.
Bitter egoistic fights is common with a wife earning more than her husband.
A good and understanding wife, never feels that her increased income is a criterion to degrade her husband. She makes use of her increased income for the good of the family.
But such wives are rare and far between.
You are living your marriage the wrong way, if you feel that your high salary gives you an edge over your husband. Your husband is also wrong, if he tries to bulldoze you into submission if he earns more than you do.
This sort of “I am better than you” attitude is the topmost cause for ego clashes between you.
CONCLUSION
“Man forgives women anything save the wit to outwit him.” – Minna Antrim
You are definitely no better than your husband just because you earn more than him.
Money related egoistic clashes between you, crumbles the beautiful concept of marriage into dust.
Marriage is not only about money. It is about love. If there is true love between you, such barriers never exist.
It will only make your marriage a failure, if you do not understand that your husband feels inferior to you, when you act bigger than him.
The more money you earn, the more helpful it is for your family. Never assume that your increased income is a scale to dominate over your husband.
You can be confident, but you cannot be dominating. You can earn more money than your husband, but you cannot use it as a weapon to disgrace him.
Here is the link to “Marriage Realities”
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