The debate of love marriage vs arranged marriage has been going on for years.
The concept of arranged marriage is something which the westerners would find very strange. Marrying a person you do not know, is something people from the Western countries cannot digest.
I am sure they find arranged marriages unthinkable in their life.
In western countries, couples marry only for love.
If Westerners marry only for love, why does their love marriages have such a short life span?
Why is divorce more prevalent in Western countries, than in countries where arranged marriages are common?
I am sure they do not have an answer to it.
It is a fact that in Asian countries arranged marriage is still prevalent. And it is also true that many arranged marriages have a longer life span.
Does this make arranged marriage a better choice than a love marriage?
No.
It does not.
Why?
You cannot generalize the longevity of marriage just like that.
Yours can be an arranged marriage or a love marriage. The type of your marriage is not an issue at all. The stability of your relationship does not depend upon whether yours is a love marriage or an arranged marriage.
The stability of your marriage depends upon the strong foundation of your love for each other.
No marriage can survive without love. Couples marrying after loving each other should nurture their relationship to make it a success. Couples whose marriage is arranged should also nurture their relationship to make it a success.
So, happiness in your relationship is not dependent on whether you married out of love, or whether it was arranged by your parents.
The strength of your marriage depends entirely on how you live through your relationship.
Now let us go straight into the debate of love marriage vs arranged marriage.
Shall we first analyze arranged marriage?
Let us first look at the pros of an arranged marriage
You have the full support of your parents when you have relationship problems with your spouse.
Your parents’ guide you about the proper way to lead your married life.
The newness of your spouse excites you as everything about him or her is unknown to you. You feel thrilled when you keep getting emotionally intimate with each other.
You do not have too many expectations about your married life. So, you are able adapt and adjust to your spouse much better.
Shall we now look at the cons of arranged marriage?
You feel very unhappy when you find your spouse not to your liking.
When you are forced to live in a joint family, you wonder why you have to adjust to people you hardly know.
You feel your in-laws are too intruding into your personal life.
Does this mean that love marriage is the better choice?
Let us see!
The pros of love marriage
You know the characteristics of your spouse before marriage. So, you know what you are in for before your marriage itself.
You feel excited when your love for each other becomes wholesome when you enter into a wedlock with him or her.
There are lot less intrusion from in-laws as you had been the deciding factor of your marriage.
The cons of love marriage
Love marriage also has its own setbacks.
Your spouse shows his or her true colors only after marriage. You are shocked when you see many negative qualities in your spouse which you never thought existed.
Before marriage, you have many unrealistic expectations about your spouse. You are brought thudding to harsh reality, when you realize that your spouse is not what you imagined him or her to be.
Arranged marriage is completely the choice of the parents. Love marriage is the sole choice of couples because they love each other.
In arranged marriages it is love after marriage. In love marriage it is love before marriage.
Be it arranged marriage or love marriage, it is love that decides the stability of your marriage.
So, both ways it is love that decides the happiness quotient of your marriage.
In arranged marriages, you experience a mild feeling of exciting suspense as you never really know what type of person your spouse really is. Your arranged marriage gets better and better as you understand your spouse gradually.
In love marriages the euphoria of marrying the person you love is very thrilling and very exciting. You are literally in cloud nine. You understand your spouse perfectly before your marriage. So, you find it easy to make your relationship work with perfection.
But wait!
Then why do you see a spurt of divorce among love marriages?
“Most love marriages nowadays end in the divorce court” an advocate friend of mine told me.
‘Why? Couples married because they loved each other, didn’t they?’ I asked confusedly.
“You are right. But when in love, couples mostly put their best foot forward. They never show their negative side to their spouse. This builds up great expectations about him\her” my friend went on.
“Often these expectations crash into nothingness after a few years of marriage. Instead of adjusting with each other, couples opt for divorce. The lost look in their face after divorce makes me wonder why they married at all” my friend made a lengthy confession.
Does this make arranged marriage a better choice?
No!
It does not.
Couples of arranged marriage too have high expectations. They too feel disappointed in their marriage. They too opt for divorce.
Finally, marriages works only when couples nurture their relationship to make it a success.
It is sad that modern couples make much ado about nothing.
You have great expectations about your marriage. But you are highly disappointed when your expectations crash into nothingness.
Your love is so feeble that you do not adjust with your spouse to make your marriage work.
You instantly decide that your marriage has no hopes of survival. You are more than ready to annul your marriage than make efforts to make it work.
But with modernity creeping in, couples mostly prefer love marriage. They feel it is far better than arranged marriage as they at least know the person whom they are going to spend their life with.
Times have changed. The concept of marriage has changed. Couples do not like the awkward situation of living with a complete stranger as it happens arranged marriages. This is the reason they always choose the option of love marriage.
Rightly so.
Your marriage can be an arranged marriage or a love marriage. Only you can make it work. No one else will do it for you.
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Pattrisia Bolton says
Hi Mathi,
This is a good readable article. I always prefer an arranged marriage. I enjoyed reading this article.
Thanks
Pattrisia