Do you compare your child with others?
Comparing your child with other intelligently endowed children is the worst mistake you make as a parent. The hurt you inflict in your child has a devastating and demoralizing effect on his\her mental and psychological development.
Do you ever appreciate your child as better than others?
No! You don’t.
- You do not appreciate the goodness of your child.
- But you are instant in criticizing and complaining.
- You ridicule his\her poor academic performance.
- You taunt him\her about his\her behavior as no good when compared to other children.
You compare your child with others in almost all aspects of his\her tender world. There is no end to your comparison.
You do this casually without thinking of the negative repercussions it could cause in the future life of your child.
This is a mistake most parents make.
Why do you compare your child with other children?
- You feel envious about the intelligence of other children.
- You want your child to be as intelligent as others.
- You think that when you compare your child with others it will prod him\her to do better.
In actuality these sort of comparisons bring in an opposite reaction from your child. He\she feels very inferior and mediocre.
Never compare your child with others – Your child hates it!
- It makes your child lose his\her confidence
- He\she does not want to try harder as he\she knows you can never be satisfied.
- He\she deviates from you emotionally and mentally.
- He\she is decisive that you are a bad parent.
- He\she develops many complex characteristics at his\her young age.
I was once watching a reality show in the TV. The topic was about what teenage children felt about their childhood days. The show was a revelation of how children never forget what happened in their childhood days.
Most grownups were resentful about their parents. The common complaint they had against their parents was about the comparison they made when they were kids.
‘My parents continue comparing me negatively with my more earning colleagues’
‘They are not satisfied with the duties we fulfill. They are instant to point out how others were more helpful to their parents.’
‘I just do not know how to satisfy them’
‘I still remember how hurt I felt when my parents compared me with my more intelligent friends’.
What astonished me was to see the emotional flare up of the grown up children against their parents. Their voice literally chocked with so far suppressed anger and resentment. Their parents looked stunned and shocked. I am sure they found it impossible to believe that what they did unthinkingly had such adverse impact against them.
- When you compare your child with others you sow the seed of inferiority complex in his\her mind.
- You make scathing comments of his\her lack of intelligence.
- You make your dissatisfaction very obvious to him\her by comparing him\her with his\her friends.
- You forget that when you compare your child in lesser light with his\her friend, he\she resents it.
- You use abusive words to make your child try better than what he\she is capable of.
- Instilling such lack of confidence in your child can make him\her develop many complexities- a death knell to his future success.
It is true you want your child to be successful for his\her betterment in life. But comparing him with others is not going to help him\her in anyway.
In fact you compare your children about many other things also.
- ‘He\she can sing whereas you cannot’.
- He\she can draw whereas you cannot.
- He\she is smart whereas you are not.
- He\she is very successful whereas you are a total failure.
Can you see how ruthless and uncaring you are to the sensitivity of your child?
A grave mistake you make as a parent. Your child feels that you degrade him\her.
How would you feel when your spouse compares you with his\her more successful\beautiful colleagues\friends\relatives?
You hate him\her for his\her lack of understanding, don’t you?
The negative comparison of your spouse makes you feel inferior. It is the same with your children also. Comparing your child will get only negative results.
Your child too is talented. But in his\her own way.
- Your child cannot paint as good as another child if he\she does have the drawing talent.
- How can your pressures make your child a great artist if he\she does not have that talent?
- But he\she might write good articles which other children are incapable of.
Your child might have great inclination towards sports while the other child lags far behind him\her.
So each and every child has his\her own unique talent. You cannot and should not compare your child with others. But you can achieve what you want from your child by appreciating him\her.
Appreciation has far reaching effect than you really think.
- It makes your child work harder for his success.
- It encourages him\her to learn other arts with enthusiasm.
- It makes him\her confident.
- He\she feels he is truly loved by you.
Never ever compare your child with others. Your child thinks you are an uncaring and unloving parent. Encouragement and appreciation are the tools to make him\her successful and worthy. Your child will definitely make you proud by fulfilling your dreams about him\her.