Are you married to an emotionally suffocating spouse?
If so, you do not enjoy your marriage a wee bit, do you?
Your emotionally suffocating spouse makes you feel jailed and imprisoned, just living with him\her.
Your spouse is so emotionally draining, that you find it impossible to enjoy any happiness in your marriage.
It is a fact that marriage is an emotional affair. You just cannot do away with emotions. Daily happiness in your marriage depends upon how well you emote towards your spouse.
You need to be loving
You need to be caring.
You need to be supportive.
You need to spend time together.
When your marriage does not have these emotional qualities, your relationship will eventually plunge towards failure.
But what happens when your spouse displays all these qualities in an overwhelmingly overdose manner?
You are mentally drained, emotionally upset and highly stressed by the atmosphere in your home.
“My wife loves me very much” Sathya my neighbor’s son smiled wryly.
“Lucky you!” I patted the young boy.
“Are you calling me lucky? Well, I don’t think so” Sathya made me confused by his answer
“You told me that your wife loved you. Then obviously you must be lucky Sathya”, I told him with bewilderment.
“My wife loves me so much that she literally clings to me. She will never allow me to watch my favorite programs as she says loving couples always do things together. I no longer spend time with my friends, as my wife says it intrudes into our family life” Sathya looked at the sky in frustration.
“I no longer feel I am what I am. I cannot do anything on my own, without my wife cribbing that I do not love her as before. Nowadays, I feel suffocated by the so-called love of my wife” the young boy looked very unhappy.
I felt sorry for Sathya. He was indeed married to an emotionally suffocating wife.
Yes!
You are undeniably unlucky if you have married an emotionally suffocating spouse.
Your clinging spouse makes you feel choked and jailed by displaying his\her emotions in such an excess manner that you feel you cannot be yourself. You have to be ever-adjusting to the ever-demanding emotions of your spouse.
It is quite an impossible task, isn’t it?
Why does excess emotions make you feel imprisoned in your marriage?
You have to face a blunt truth.
You are first an individual. You have your own unique traits and characteristics. Marriage in no way takes away your individual wishes and desires.
It is your private zone. It is your personal den.
You need space to pamper the individual in you. You need to have that much of personal time to be what you are really are.
There are times you want to be alone.
You want to enjoy your time with your friends.
You want to enjoy your personal hobbies. It might be gardening, painting, singing, just anything.
But your emotionally suffocating spouse will never allow you to do any such thing.
Your spouse makes you feel that you are selfish in wanting your own personal space. He\she makes you feel as if you are unloving and uncaring by being emotionally charged for even the tiniest of your me-time.
It is as though your spouse literally plucks away your freedom by squeezing himself\herself into your private space.
When you spouse thrusts himself\herself on you, it is plain overstepping his\her boundary.
Do you know why most marriages suffer from failure?
It is thinking that both should think alike.
That both should spend time only together.
That both should shelf their individuality as soon as they get married.
Most of you feel that unless you and your spouse think alike and do things together your marriage is an utter failure.
No!
You are wrong.
Spacing and being yourself are the two key factors to your happy marriage.
When your too emotionally demanding spouse denies you your personal space, you struggle to cope up with it.
What are the top signs of an emotionally suffocating spouse?
1. Your spouse becomes possessive
Your spouse clings to you in the name of love.
You cannot do a thing without him\her breathing down your neck.
You cannot watch your favorite program in the TV.
You cannot have your personal space.
When you do your own thing without the company of your spouse, he\she becomes upset. Your spouse acts as though you have lost your love for him\her.
You long for a breath of freedom, don’t you?
2. Your spouse acts the martyr
Your spouse acts as though you are being mean and selfish when you do things your way.
Your spouse displays highly strung up emotions when you spend time for yourself.
You cannot reason with your spouse as he\she acts as though you have inflicted a great injustice to him\her.
He\she cries at the drop of the hat when you try to explain.
Your spouse will never allow you out of his\her sight. Your spouse also acts as though he\she cannot spend even a moment away from you.
3. You cannot have your own circle of friends
Your emotionally suffocating spouse wants everything done together.
So, you have to be in the same friend’s circle as his\hers.
You feel uneasy with his\her friends as they are not in your wavelength.
But you cannot say no as you know your spouse will get keyed up.
4. You have to censor your words.
It is true that you cannot say whatever you like to your spouse. You have no right to utter hurting or demeaning words about your spouse.
But there should be easy communication between you. It makes your marriage breezy and friendly.
But when you are married to an emotionally suffocating spouse, you have to censor each and every word you speak with him\her for the fear of being misunderstood.
So, you feel stilted and artificial when you are with your spouse.
Does not spell good for your marriage, doesn’t it?
5. You keep getting calls and messages
You might be in your work place. You might be with your friends. You might be anywhere. Your emotionally suffocating spouse, wants to keep in touch with you.
So, you get persistent calls from him\her.
“Where are you?”
“Whom are you with?”
“When will you be back?”
Though you are angry at the probing questions of your spouse, you patiently answer to his\her queries.
But invariably your spouse is not satisfied.
Few moments later your inbox is filled with messages demanding your whereabouts. You are so wild with anger at this unwarranted interference into your personal zone that you just want to throw away your mobile phone.
These are just a few of the emotionally draining behavior your spouse.
How to save yourself from your emotionally suffocating spouse?
Set clear boundaries.
This does not mean you should deviate from your spouse. It aggravates the situation. Whenever you are with your spouse be attentive and listening so that he\she does not feel left out.
Have a frank talk with your spouse about why you need your space. You have to make your spouse understand that wanting to do things your way does not mean lack of love.
Never bow to the unreasonable demands of your spouse.
Encourage your spouse to have his\her own personal interest.
Conclusion
“Try not to confuse attachment with love. Attachment is about fear and dependency and has more to do with love of self than love of another. Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn’t it about what others give you because you are empty. It is about what you can give others when you’re already full.” -Yasmin Moghed
Can you see how even too much love can make you feel unhappy in your marriage?
It is because it intrudes right into your personal space. When your individuality is crushed you do not like it. No human being in the world can survive without a space of his\her own.
Marriage is a funny game. Your emotionally suffocating spouse can enjoy his\her own life, only when he understands it.
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