There are many insensitive mistakes most husbands make without knowing about its drastic repercussions in their marriage.
Are you one such insensitive husband?
If so, your wife feels angry and frustrated that you do not understand her emotional expectations.
As a man you are very practical, aren’t you?
But when your practicality clashes with the emotional world of your wife, you make lot of unthinking and insensitive mistakes most husbands make.
And these relationship mistakes makes your wife feel unloved and uncared.
When your wife married you, she had great dreams that you would care and love her for eternity.
But you invariably shatter the expectations of your wife by being wooden and deadpan when interacting with her. You act in a manner which makes your wife feel that you are not loving enough.
Does this mean you do not love your wife?
Of course you do.
But you never know the simple trick of making your wife feel your love.
Your practicality makes you interact in a very matter of fact manner with her. This makes your emotional wife think that you are wooden and unfeeling.
You have great expectations about your wife, don’t you?
- You want your wife to mother you.
- You want her to look presentable.
- You want your wife to treat you with respect.
- You want her to look after your home and children.
- You want your wife to handle family issues all by herself.
- You want her to support you unconditionally.
- You want her to cook dishes you adore.
How strange that you have so much expectations about your wife and know nothing about hers.
You are committing the insensitive mistakes most husbands make in a relationship – you coolly ignore the expectations of your wife.
Your practicality is indeed important to balance your married life. When both are emotional it makes your married life very demanding and oppressive.
But sometimes your practicality borders on indifference and your wife feels emotionally uncared by your apathetic behavior.
Here is the list of insensitive mistakes most husbands make
1. You do not listen to your wife
Not listening is a complaint most wives have about their husbands all around the world.
What do you do when your wife comes to you with a problem?
Do you listen to her?
You don’t.
You think your wife is making a big deal about nothing. Your male mind feels she is making a mountain out of a mole.
So, when your wife comes to you with her problems, your attention wavers as you are bored to listen to her.
Your eyes become shifty and you make it very obvious that she is being unreasonably complaining.
Your eyes are on the TV or newspaper and not once do you look at your wife.
Your inattentive body language clearly shows your wife that you are unresponsive to her sensitive feelings. Your wife shrinks in agony for being callously treated by you.
Why does your wife come to you with her woes?
The love your wife has for you is so intense that she feels you will support her instantly and spontaneously.
Never commit this insensitive blunder.
Listen to your wife and make her feel loved by you.
What is the best way to listen to your wife?
- Have direct eye contact with your wife when she is talking with you.
- Give her apt reactions.
- Your body language should show that she has your full attention.
- Your words should convey the message that you care for her.
These simple tricks makes your wife feel happy and secure.
2. You do not consult your wife in financial decisions.
Do you make this most common of the insensitive mistakes most husbands make?
You feel that your wife knows nothing about financial investments.
So, you never consult her before taking major financial decisions.
This is insulting the intelligence of your wife.
Will it surprise you if I say that your wife is as intelligent as you in dealing with financial investments and transactions?
You live for today whereas your wife lives and saves for tomorrow. You always look at the day-to-day financial needs of your family.
You think you can handle the future financial family commitments as and when it comes. You are lavish in your spending whereas your wife is judicious in it.
She always has the welfare of her family in her mind. Her far-reaching thoughts about the financial security of the family makes her take sensible decisions about money investments.
3. You do not appreciate her.
Your wife slaves 24\7 for the family. She lovingly looks after you and your children.
Do you appreciate your wife for her contribution towards your family?
You often commit the insensitive mistakes most husbands make – you never utter a word of appreciation.
When you do not appreciate, your wife feels that you do not value her selfless contribution towards the family.
Let us assume she falls sick for one day.
Will you be able to manage your home on your own for a single day?
You will fail miserably. But your wife does it constantly and relentlessly.
What does your wife expect in return?
Just a word of appreciation will make her fulfilled that you care for her.
Does she cook your favorite dish?
Appreciate her.
Does she do her duties with unfailing dedication?
She takes your appreciation as a token of love you have for her. It does not cost you a dime. Do it.
4. You do not demonstrate love
During your courtship days you said ‘l love you’ an umpteenth time.
But you never utter these magic words after marriage – yet another of the insensitive mistakes most husbands make.
Your wife never outgrows these loving words. She wants to hear it from you – always, every time.
You love your children, don’t you?
You show your love for them emphatically. You take them in your arms, cuddle them to your heart and kiss them affectionately.
Why do you do it?
You want your children to feel your love. Just like your children, your wife too wants to feel your love.
Small physical gestures communicates your love in a very telling way. A warm hug, pat in the cheeks, arms around the shoulders – these are some of the loving physical gestures your wife needs.
It easily conveys the message that you love her from the depth of your heart.
Your wife yearns for it. Give her this simple pleasure.
5. You do not share household chores
Again you feel that it is the duty of your wife to look after the family. You do not want to have anything to do with it.
So, you spend your time before TV\laptop while your wife slogs with her never-ending household chores.
You never realize that your wife too will be tired from work. Do not make this silly insensitive mistakes most husbands make.
When you help your wife in household chores you can visibly feel her warm glow of love.
Your wife feels she has married the best man on earth.
That is a very good compliment from your wife, isn’t it?
You can definitely avoid these insensitive mistakes most husbands make.
“Make women rational creatures and free citizens and they will quickly become good wives; – that is, if men do not neglect the duties of husbands and fathers.” – Mary Wollstonecraft.
When you view everything from a male viewpoint, you feel what you do is right.
But when you look at your actions from the viewpoint of your wife, you will understand how indifferent you have been.
Enter the world of your wife and satisfy her sensitive need for love.
When you do it, your wife will place you in a pedestal of respect and high esteem.
Laura says
Me and my husband are trying to repair our marriage. Last year I left him for 6 months and went to live with my sister. I was so tired of feeling unappreciated. He never seemed to listen to anything I said and there were times when we barely spoke at all. In fact, his ‘Facebook Friends’ got more of his attention than I did. I felt so alone in my marriage. We never celebrated special occasions, such as birthdays or anniversaries. He knew that birthdays were very important to me, and I always made sure that he was given a special birthday every year, but each year on MY birthday……Nothing. No card, no flowers, no gift, no ‘happy birthday love’. Nothing at all. A couple of years ago I had a very strong feeling that he was too close to one of his female FB ‘Friends’. I am not proud of myself but I looked in to his FB account……and what I saw stunned me. My husband told this female ‘friend’ how much he loved her and that she was ‘gorgeous’ on her birthday! Can you imagine how I felt? My husband, who totally ignored my birthday EVERY YEAR was taking the time to acknowledge the birthday of this woman who lived in another country! Page after page showed my husband telling her how ‘special’ she was and how ‘beautiful’ she was. I considered my husband and this woman to be having an ‘Emotional Affair’. I was absolutely devastated. It was the final straw. I walked out on him. Anyway, he cried and begged me for another chance, so here we are, trying to put things back together again. On my birthday this year, I got a lovely card with beautiful words written in it and a dozen red roses…….but somehow it felt so hollow and too little too late. I feel that he only did this to pacify me. I adored him and would have done anything for him at one time…..but now……..I just don’t know……..it is like something precious has been lost. The strange thing is, I truly believe that he does love me and I know that he deeply regrets the hurt he has caused me. He is trying very hard to make amends………I still have enough love left in my heart for him to want to make things work……but like I said……..something precious has been lost and I don’t know if we will ever be able to get to a place in our marriage where I no longer feel so much pain for the way he treated me in the past.
Mathi says
Hi Laura,
I can understand your feelings. Love is never a one way path. It is always reciprocal. When you give love it is only natural you expect the same from your husband. This is the reason you feel lost when your husband did not return your love. You feel emotionally shattered because of the emotional cheating of husband. Emotional cheating is as bad as infedility. But if you want your marriage to work you have to forgo the bitterness you feel about your husband.
You say that your husband is trying to make up for his callous attitude towards you. So, forgive him but never be forgiving if he repeats the same mistake again.
Time is a great healer. As time goes by you will forget your bitterness. But the ball is now in the court of your husband. He has to truly change and win back your love.
Anonymous says
My husband is really good and kind. But he seems so careless to my emotional needs. Sometimes he is really insensitive to my feelings and it hurts. Every time he’s on his phone even when I’m talking to him. He wakes up from bed and the first thing is pick his phone and continue whatever I don’t know. I understand he reads from his phone, but can he be reading 24/7? Obviously no! The only time he drops his phone is when he is pouring water on his body or deeply alseep. I am not exaggerating.
I have told him how that makes me feel but he keeps saying he’s doing something important. He barely even play with the kids because phone comes first.
I am terribly hurt and at this point I don’t know what to do. I have spoken to him over and over, yet, it gets worse. I feel neglected and alone. Please what do I do?
Mathi says
Hi,
Mobile phones have stormed into family life and is destroying it. The behavior of your husband is typical of this modern generation. The only exception being that your husband is overdoing it. Your feelings can be understood. But unless, your husband changes, you can do nothing about it.
You can try allocating certain work for your husband, which only he must do.
Tell your husband that he must take care of the kids for a certain period of time.
Do not give all his needs in a platter. Make him do his share of family responsibilities.
These will only help you in a mild way.
Do not plead with your husband to change. He will never change. But when you are firm that he does his family work, he will realize that he cannot take you for granted. Show your husband openly how much you dislike his mobile addiction.
But the sad thing is that unless your husband changes himself, nothing is going to help you.