Your reactions to arguments with your spouse are different and unique in its own way.
A marriage without arguments does not exist anywhere in this world.
Yes!
It is true that you cannot live through your married life without arguing with your spouse.
Arguing with your spouse is the most natural thing in the world.
There is absolutely no need to worry about this.
Many a time, you argue with your spouse, when you have different views from that of him or her.
There are times you might be feeling off color.
And when you are tensed and annoyed, you argue with your spouse.
Such arguments are part and parcel of almost all marriages.
But the way couples react to arguments is not always the same.
Your reactions to the arguments you have with your spouse will also be different.
The way both argue, and the way both react has a definite impact in your married life.
When your reactions are reasonable and understandable, the anger between you disappears within hours.
This is an emphatic sign that you are enjoying a good relationship with your spouse.
But when your arguments and reactions are venomous, hostile and hot-blooded, it makes your married life tense and oppressive.
Continuous arguments and unwantedly hostile reactions wreck your relationship.
Unsympathetic and aggressive arguments and equally angry reactions are like high tides.
Such a scenario in your married life, leaves a trail of emotional destruction all the way through your married life.
Arguments always has two sides.
The one who argues, and the one who reacts.
There are times you might be the one arguing, and your spouse might be at the receiving end.
Another day your spouse might argue and you might be at the receiving end. Sometimes both argue simultaneously.
This happens in all marriages.
More than your arguments, it is your reactions that sets the mood of your relationship. When your reactions to arguments are understanding and empathetic, it does not create any negative ripples in your relationship.
Here are the different reactions to arguments with your spouse
The no 1. of reactions to arguments with your spouse is venomous reaction.
Reacting vehemently to the arguments of your spouse, is the worst ever reaction. Because when you react heatedly, you indulge in headlong collision with your spouse.
You aggressively want to prove that you are always right, and your spouse is always wrong. Your spouse finds it tough to pacify you, as your reaction is that intense and that hostile.
You continue your venomous reaction for days, to show your spouse that you did nothing wrong. And that it was your spouse who is committing all the mistakes. When you react hostilely, you will never let go your spouse for the hurting words he\she spoke.
- You want an explanation from your spouse.
- You want apology from your spouse.
- You want the surrender of your spouse.
This sort of unwanted reactions to arguments between you, invariably leads to bitterness and resentment in your relationship.
When you want to fight until the end, there are no winners.
Just two losers, you and your spouse.
The no 2. of reactions to arguments with your spouse is showing resentful silence.
There are times you freeze your emotions, in reacting to the arguments of your spouse.
What exactly is freezing your emotions?
Your spouse might behave dictatorial with you. And in your fear, you are unable to express your thoughts to your spouse.
When you are unable to share your true emotions with your spouse, you hide your emotions within you. So, when your spouse argues with you, you do not argue back.
This does not mean you are meekly submissive. You store your resentment and anger within yourself.
When you react to the arguments of your spouse, by suppressing your feelings, your unreleased emotions create dangerous repercussions in your relationship.
When you hide your bitterness, you feel oppressed by your inability to showcase what your real feelings.
And your bottled-up emotions are like volcanoes.
You never know when you will erupt. When you have to constantly hide your emotions, you become sullen and morose when you interact with your spouse.
The no 3. Way of reactions to arguments with your spouse is you take an emotional flight
What does emotional flight mean in an argument?
Does it mean moving away from your spouse to avoid argument?
Physically moving away from your spouse, does cool the heated atmosphere, created by your arguments. But when arguments become constant between you, you can no longer take it.
So, you emotionally withdraw from your spouse, so that you do not feel the hurt.
Your spouse might as well be arguing with a wall, for all the reaction you display. You are indifferent to what your spouse argues about. Because you have mentally detached yourself from your spouse.
You are never bothered about what he\she really wants to convey through his\her argument.
Resisting from reacting to your spouse, makes you become mentally detached in your relationship.
A very dangerous situation.
The no 4. Way of reacting to arguments with your spouse is meekly yielding reaction
When your spouse argues, you do not want answer back. You react submissively and yield meekly to the arguments of your spouse.
This does not mean you agree to what your spouse argues about. You are terrified about the repercussions you will face, if you argue back with your spouse.
Your yielding reaction does not in any way take away the bitterness you feel about your spouse. Inwardly, you seethe with resentment and anger against your spouse.
Yielding to arguments, without totally agreeing to what your spouse says makes your married life boring, tedious and taxing.
The 5. way of reacting to arguments with your spouse is getting a backup reaction
When there are arguments between you, you do not argue back. Instead, you bring your parents to argue on your behalf. You do not want your spouse to get away easily for the hurt he\she inflicts on you.
You want justice for the hurt you feel. You feel only your parents could make you argue on your behalf.
You immediately call upon them to come to your support.
Your parents love you and so are very prejudiced against your spouse. They fight with your spouse on your behalf.
Your reaction of bringing your parents into your fight, makes your arguments develop into a family feud.
Can you see how your reactions to arguments differ?
Does this mean you should never argue, or react to arguments?
You are not a robot that you should not react to the arguments of your spouse.
You can definitely argue with your spouse.
You can react. But you must know your limits. You must know when to end your arguments. You must know how to react. You must apologize for the harsh words spoken.
- You must show your regret for your hasty argument and harsh reactions.
- When you react by yielding to your spouse meekly, you will feel that your freedom is curtailed.
- When you fight with your spouse until the end to prove yourself right, both become losers.
- When you freeze your emotions, you will be like a volcano, storing resentment and bitterness against your spouse.
Conclusion
Arguments are actually relationship builders.
Are you wondering how?
Unless you argue with your spouse, he\she never knows what is in your mind.
You must also react to arguments.
Not by being sullen and hostile. But by understanding what your spouse really wants to convey to you.
Do not ever convert your arguments into relationship killers.
Your arguments must showcase your views about certain aspects in your relationship that you differ from your spouse.
Not to showcase how much you dislike your spouse.
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