Most of you are all at seas about the ways to take care of your parents after your marriage, aren’t you?
Why does taking care of your parents become a huge problem after your marriage?
Your life changes drastically, after your marriage. Your concentration shifts from your parents, to your own family. You also have tons of responsibilities thrust on you, after your marriage.
And, you have no other go, than to become more responsible towards your own family.
You strive hard for the betterment of your family. And in the bargain, you find it impossible to spend as much time with your parents, as you usually do.
When you are unable to spend time with your parents, they are emotionally shattered that you have removed them from your priority list.
This is a common scenario in most modern families.
It is not that you have stopped loving your parents, after your marriage. You still love them. But strangely you do not have time for your parents.
You are so preoccupied with your own relationship and work-related problems, that thoughts about your parents do not really occupy your mind.
But you do not understand, that your parents feel a vacuum when you drift away from them, after your marriage.
Yes!
Your parents are emotionally shattered when you completely ignore them, citing your tight work schedule as the reason for it.
The dedication of your parents in bringing you up should never be underestimated by you. You owe them your success in life and profession. You would be nothing without your parents.
What do your parents expect, in return for all the sacrifices they made for you?
Your parents just want your love and care. They just want you to spend quality time with them.
I was shocked when I read the newspaper today.
An old couple had committed suicide because their son did not take care of them.
They had left a suicide note, saying how the indifference of their son hurt them.
“There was no purpose in our life after you deserted us” their letter was addressed to their son.
My neighbor is a sixty-year-old woman. As a single parent, she worked herself threadbare to bring up her only son.
Her son comes with his family to visit his mother, once a month. On the day of her son’s visit, my neighbor’s house would resound with laughter.
She never once complained that her son moved away from her after his marriage.
“I cannot expect my daughter-in law-to think of me as her mother. It is only natural that she wants to live independently with my son. She owes herself that right” she told me.
How magnanimous my neighbor was.
I have a cousin whose only son moved away from her, after his marriage. My cousin’s son comes to meet his mother, quite often with his family.
But my cousin is not satisfied. Whenever she calls me, she would crib about how she worked hard to bring up her son and how he had turned selfish after his marriage.
“Why can’t he tell my daughter-in-law, that I as his mother will live him? He does not have the guts to do it. I heard they went on a vacation recently. He did not have the mind to take me” my cousin would go on and on about her son.
These are just some examples about the deteriorating relationship, between parents and adult children.
I am sure you too might be facing such an emotional problem with your parents.
Are you the only one to be blamed in the deterioration of your relationship with your parents?
You are not.
Your parents are equally to be blamed. They do not understand that you have your own share of responsibilities towards your family.
Your parents, childishly expect you to be at their beck and call, after your marriage also.
They want to accompany you wherever you go with your family. Your parents do not realize, the tons of tension their clinging nature creates in your relationship with your spouse.
Does it mean you are blame free?
No.
You are not.
You too have your own share of blame.
It is a harsh fact, that you slowly but surely drift away from your parents, after your marriage.
You are unable to withstand the emotional blackmail of your spouse, who wants no inference from your parents. So, you decide to take the safe way out, that is to tow the line of your spouse.
Your spouse cannot be accused of being the sole reason, behind the tensed relationship with your parents.
There are many other petty misunderstandings which ruin your relationship with your parents.
Your parents also do not understand your changed situation. They add fuel to your discomfort, by clinging to you for your total attention.
Your parents still claim their rights as the wholesome owner of your affection.
Shall we analyze the most common reasons why you find it difficult to take care of your parents after marriage?
You have many responsibilities, after your marriage
Your hectic lifestyle makes it impossible for you to relax.
Work related stress and family worries, make you fatigued and sapped.
You are always on your toes, to deal with the rat race you face in your work place. Naturally, your energy level is mostly under the danger level.
And as an added agony, your spouse also does not get along with your parents.
You are now caught between, the love for your parents and the emotional pressure from your spouse.
You know that your life is now with your spouse.
You cannot afford to antagonize your spouse and play the role of a dutiful son\daughter.
You want your parents to understand the pressures you are facing in your relationship.
To keep your marriage intact, you keep a safe distance from your parents.
It is very true that you must save your marriage. You cannot force your parents on your spouse. It will cause unnecessary relationship crisis in your marriage.
This is where balancing between your parents and your spouse is important.
You owe your success and social status to your parents. Without them, you would never have become what you are today.
Your parents gave you unconditional love and care to mold you as an assertive and confident person. The least you owe them is your attention and care.
Here are some sensible tips to take care of your parents after your marriage
Visit your parents with your family, so that they enjoy being with their grandchildren. When you spend some days with your parents, it makes them feel as a family.
Invite your parents to your important family gatherings.
Gift your parents things they had denied themselves to bring you up.
Whether your spouse objects or not, you must help your parents, financially.
You must definitely allot time for them.
You now have the facility to interact with your parents, from wherever you are. Mobile phones and web camera make it easy for you to stay connected with them.
Call your parents at least once a week, and enquire about their health and how they were faring. It gives your parents great pleasure when their son\daughter remembers to contact them.
All your parents need is such caring gestures from you.
Nothing else!
One last word of advice.
Never make the mistake of asking your parents to reside with you.
Here is why!
When your parents reside with you, many clashes between your parents and your spouse will happen right before you.
You will be confused about whom to support.
So, it is always better if your parents reside away from you. Joint family concept will work, only when there is complete coordination between your parents and your spouse.
When your parents stay with you and fight constantly with your spouse, the rift between you widens. Finally, relationship with your parents will definitely fall apart.
When your parents stay away from you, they also have the freedom to lead their life as they want to.
Your spouse also does not have the tension of adjusting with your parents. And your spouse feels it comfortable to be cordial with your parents, whenever you visit them
Conclusion
‘We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.’ – Henry Ward Beecher
Can you see why your relationship with your parents is very fickle and unstable?
You must nurture your relationship with your parents. If you fail to do so, your parents too can become strangers to you.
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