Adolescent children – this phase in the life of your children sends shivers down the spine in almost all parents.
You are completely taken aback by the changes your children undergo when they reach their teenage, aren’t you?
Adolescent is a phase in the life of your children which is very stressful, very confusing and very baffling to them.
‘Adolescence is a border between childhood and adulthood. Like all borders it is teeming with energy and fraught with danger.’ Mary Pipher
Why is this period of your children’s life so tormenting to you as a parent?
You feel lost when your children deviate from you emotionally. They suddenly seem to have grown up.
Do you know that your children too feel confused at the major changes in their attitude towards life as they take tentative steps to adulthood?
It is an emotional transition of your children from childhood to adulthood.
When your children were kids they talked to you about almost everything.
- They discussed fashion with you.
- They liked your cooking the most.
- They came to you for advice.
- They came to you with complaints about their friends.
But when they reach adolescent age they completely deviate from you. They no longer interact with you with the freeness they did when they were kids.
How much does your adolescent children change?
- Your children suddenly develops mind of their own.
- They want to spend more time away from you.
- They argue with you a lot.
- They feel they know everything better than you.
- They spend hours in the mobile.
- They become addicted to social Medias.
- They become very aloof and taciturn.
- They also become very secretive.
Why does the mentality of your adolescent children suddenly change so much?
Does it mean they do not love you anymore?
Don’t worry! Their love for you remain the same.
But you should accept the simple fact that they have out grown their clinging need for you. They have taken their first adult steps to face the world.
I too had undergone very emotional upheavals when my daughter reached her adolescent period.
She used to look upon me for everything. I would select her dress. I decided what food she should eat. She always listened to me.
But things changed when she was in her teens. She would make her own decisions. She decided what she should wear. Her taste and mine differed too much.
‘Where is my kid daughter?’ my mind screamed in agony.
‘She does not love me as before’, I told myself.
We had fights. We argued about everything. I insisted that she do things as I want it to be done. I could see that my adolescent daughter was terribly hurt by my unreasonable and dominating behavior. I was unused to see my daughter like this. She was very close to me. We were more of friends.
I wanted the smile back in my daughters face.
I did some self-analysis about myself as a parent. It was then I realized that I wanted her to see the world from my viewpoint.
What a fool I was!
She was not a robot to obey my orders.
She was in the threshold of evolving as an individual with a mind of her own. She had to be individualistic to face the world bravely and assertively.
I was standing in her way. I took a vow never to exceed my limits in her life. I decided I should have my hands on her shoulders – not to push her into my world but to show her that I was there in her times of need.
Needless to say we are now the best of friends and our playful friendship is the envy of many.
Top ways to handle adolescent children – Be their best friend!
- You should acknowledge the fact that your children will never be your Xerox copy.
- They have the right to live their life as they want to.
- Never interfere too much into their individuality.
- You should guide them in a very friendly manner.
- Never ever command your adolescent children.
- You should not be overbearing.
- Keep a respectful distance from your children.
- Do not criticize them if their way of doing things are wrong- they will learn many precious lessons from their mistakes.
- You should be empathetic to their feelings.
Today’s generation is far more intelligent than the yester generation. They are also far more vulnerable to vultures looking for prey to their sneaky affairs.
If you are friendly with them, they will never stray the wrong way. Keep an eye on them but do not pry on them. If you feel they are on the wrong path, advice them in a friendly manner.
You should be a role model to your children. Give them the emotional security they direly need – it comes only when you have a good and compatible relationship with your spouse. Emotional security is a much needed umbrella to protect your children from the treacherous crossroads they will encounter in their life journey.