Are you married to a workaholic spouse?
He\she makes you feel lonely and deserted by not attending to your emotional needs.
Your spouse is too concentrated in his\her profession that he\she has no time for you.
You feel isolated and alone when your spouse spends all his\her free time doing his\her official work. There is literally no family life between you.
Of course, dedication of your spouse towards his\her profession is very important for his\her success.
But obsession towards it makes your spouse a workaholic – full of work and no fun.
“I am his second wife” I looked aghast at my friend when she uttered these words.
How can she be so cool about an aspect which would otherwise have a devastating effect on any wife?
Seeing my confused look, my friend laughed. But I could see an undercurrent of sadness in her laughter.
“Well, the profession of my husband is his first wife and I am only secondary to him” she clarified ruefully.
“Whenever I talk with my husband, I could literally feel that he was not with me. I could clearly sense that he was thinking about his work. When he is home, he is always glued to his laptop doing his official work. He would only half listen to whatever I say as his concentration was always on his work.” she looked sorrowful.
“He never accompanies me for any family functions. I go to parent’s meeting in my children’s school all alone. If I ask my husband that he should accompany me at least to such important occasions , he says that he does not have time for it as he is tied up with his work” my friend sounded irritated.
So, her husband was a workaholic.
The life of my friend was indeed boring and uninteresting.
Is your spouse also too focused on his\her work without spending time with you?
Does your spouse willingly spend extra hours in his\her work place than to be home with the family?
Is your spouse fanatic about proving his\her worth to the company he\she works for?
Then your spouse is also a workaholic.
It is true that your spouse has to be concentrated in his\her profession to be successful.
But everything has its limits, doesn’t it?
Your spouse cannot always think and live his\her work.
When your spouse is a workaholic there is no liveliness and sparkle in your interaction.
Your spouse would rather be glued to his\her work even after returning home than spend time with the family.
Your workaholic spouse thinks only about his\her profession and work-related duties. He\she never realizes that he\she has duties towards the family.
Here are emphatic signs of a workaholic spouse
- Your spouse is too focused on his\her work that he\she often eats in his\her office desk.
- He\she has only time for his\her profession and not for you.
- Your spouse is always tensed about his\her work.
- Your spouse acts as though the whole company depends on him\her for its success and profit.
- He\she does not trust anyone to do the allocated work.
- He\she does not allocate work among his\her team.
- Your spouse does not want anyone to steal his\her recognition.
- The friend’s circle of your spouse is mostly his\her colleagues.
- Whenever he\she converses with anyone it is invariably about his\her work.
A very tough marriage scenario, isn’t it?
Reasons behind the workaholic nature of your spouse
- Your spouse wants the acknowledgement of being worthy in his\her job.
- Your spouse takes his\her dedication towards work too far.
- It makes your spouse feel egoistic when the management makes him\her feel he\she is indispensable for the company.
- The more your spouse works, the more money he\she earns.
- Your spouse feels heady with pride with the appreciation and the approval he\she gets from the management.
- Your spouse is intoxicated with his\her success in work.
Your workaholic spouse always argues that it is professional ethics to be loyal to his\her work.
Very true!
But your spouse never understands that he\she has duties towards you and your family. You must make him\her must understand it.
You suffer from lack of attention because of the obsession your spouse has towards his\her profession.
But there are times when your spouse becomes a workaholic to earn more money for the family.
Your family might be in a financial mess and you might be needing extra money to pull you out of the rut.
Is your spouse working extra hours for the sake of the extra money your family direly needs?
If so, you should be understanding as he\she is working himself\herself threadbare for the sake of your family. You cannot nag him\her about it.
Do not compare your lonely hours with that of your friends who have excellent family life. Do not make the life of your spouse stressful by comparing him\her with your colleagues\friends who spend time with their family.
Instead make your spouse relaxed by giving him\her space to do his\her work.
One word of caution though!
This scenario cannot continue forever. Your spouse will burn out due to his\her non-stop work and you will lash out because you feel unattended and uncared.
Here are ways to make your workaholic spouse understand his\her duty towards the family
- During his\her free time you should talk to your spouse that he\she should spend time with the family.
- Tell your spouse to balance his\her time between work and family.
- Talk to him\her how the children miss him\her.
- Both should have an amiable talk about the family hours to be spent together.
- Your spouse should realize that he\she has duties towards the family also.
Sometimes you might be the reason why your spouse turns workaholic.
Are you wondering how?
When there is no compatibility between you, it is only natural there are lot of arguments and fights between you. Your spouse hates the atmosphere at home which is unfriendly and hostile.
So, he\she wants to concentrate on his\her work to forget the animosity between you.
Do not start arguments as to how he\she is neglecting the family. Your spouse hates it.
Understand what is driving your spouse towards being a workaholic.
When you make his\her time at home pleasurable your spouse wants to spend more time with you.
Do you know that there are times when your spouse never really knows that he\she a workaholic?
Your spouse never realizes that his\her work is eating into his\her family time.
In fact, your spouse thinks he\she is working for the betterment of the family. Your spouse feels by earning extra money through extra hours of work can boost up the standard of living of the family.
Conclusion
“The workaholics have done immense harm to the world. And the greatest harm they have done is that they have deprived life of its moments of celebration and festivity. It is because of them that there is so little festivity in the world, and every day it is becoming more and more dull and dreary and miserable” – Rajneesh
When you want good standard of living you must be prepared to make certain sacrifices. But you cannot be deprived of your family life.
Your workaholic spouse cannot forgo his\her family duties. He\she should learn the art of balancing between family and work.
What is the use of earning thousands of dollars when your spouse does not have time to spend with the family?
Your understanding love can make your spouse realize that his\her profession and family are equally important.
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