Most of you are bored with your marriage, aren’t you?
The drudgery of your daily routine, your never-ending family responsibilities, your oppressive relationship problems make you wonder why you married at all.
“Aunty, I am terribly bored with my marriage” Selina my friend’s daughter grumblingly told me.
I looked at the young girl with bewilderment as I had always thought she was happily married.
“Why dear?” I smilingly asked her.
“Well aunty, I live through the same routine every day. There is nothing new in my married life to cause any excitement in me” Selina sighed with regret.
My thoughts went to the day of her wedding. She looked flushed with rosy glow of happiness. And here she was bored with her marriage just a few years of living together
“I feel tired with the routine life I live. We do the same thing over and over again. So, everything about my marriage is a yawning bore” the young girl looked frustrated.
She is not a lone person in feeling so. She is in fact one among the millions of couples who feel that their marriage is a big bore.
You are bored with your marriage for these reasons
- Incompatibility
- Intolerance
- Routine and mundane lifestyle.
- Work related stress.
- Mental and physical tiredness.
- Non-communication.
You are bored with your marriage for these common reasons.
Shall we look the common scenario in your married life?
Monday to Friday
- You get up tiredly with your mind tensed about the hectic day ahead.
- You feel your spouse is bone lazy and does not share your household chores. So, you start the day arguing with him\her.
- Your nerves creep up alarmingly at the lethargic way your children get ready for school.
- You feel jumpy about your nasty boss\higher officials.
- You curse the traffic jam and arrive late for work and get a tongue lashing from the management.
- You are forced to adjust with your not-so co-operative colleagues in your work place. But your inner mind winces in suppressed anger.
- You return home dead tired and carry your work-related tension along with you.
- You do not have the energy to interact with your spouse\children.
- You watch TV\play video games.
- You eat an uninteresting dinner.
- You retire to bed with your head hammering with worry about yet another chaotic tomorrow.
Saturday
- You go out with your family. You enjoy yourself but your mind keeps harping at the work you have in store for you in Sunday.
Sunday
- You catch up with the pending household chores.
- You feel your energy draining as Sunday comes to an end.
- Your mind is alarmed that you have to face yet another hectic week days starting from Monday.
Indeed, very boring routine, isn’t it?
When you have to do the same things over and over again, you are bored with your marriage.
You are bored with your married life for other reasons also.
And dealing with emotions can be taxing and exhausting. The need for money pulls your energy level down to the rock bottom.
Your married life puts loads of duties on your already stooping shoulders.
More than your family duties, your day to day existence with your spouse is very predictable and very mundane.
Your interaction is mostly about family commitments – very confrontational and very argumentative. It makes your relationship stifling and choking.
You thrust your work-related tension on your spouse. Your spouse also has the same work-related stress. He\she will not take your arguments lightly.
The war of words you exchange with your spouse makes you worried about the stability of your marriage.
This is what happens in most marriages.
Very dangerous to your relationship.
If you let your relationship slip into boredom, you will miss the true and actual happiness that marriage can give you.
Husband thinks his wife is a nag.
Husband feels “It is better to keep my mouth shut and escape her never ending babble about my drawbacks”. So, he builds a wall of silence around himself.
Wife thinks her husband takes her for granted.
“My husband thinks it is my duty to look after him. He wants me to be at his beck and call. He never seems to care for me.”
So, you keep on pointing out his mistakes. You just cannot stop nagging your husband.
There is no loving conversation between you. Whenever you talk you fight as if you were enemies.
When this happens in your relationship husband becomes aloof from his wife. And wife becomes a nag. Now your married life becomes very boring and dull.
Effective tips to follow when you are bored with your marriage
1. Be friendly with your spouse.
Are you ever bored with spending time with your friends?
No!
Why is it so?
The answer is simple.
- You can talk about anything with your friends.
- You need not censor your words.
- There is no misinterpretation of what you say.
- You talk about fun things with your friends.
This is the reason most of you feel comfortable in the company of your friends. You have bring in that friendliness into your married life.
Friendliness is the key to keep your marriage alive and kicking. You should be able to discuss anything with your spouse.
Do not always keep talking about financial issues or about your work-related tension at home. You will be tensed if your conversation is always serious and staid.
Talk about movies, funny happenings in your office or innocuous family gossips – anything that is friendly and care free.
2. Have mutual hobbies
Your hobbies can be anything, like watching movies or reading books or even listening to music.
You can also do gardening together.
Having mutual hobbies makes you spend fun time together.
3. Do household chores together.
Enjoy sharing the work load of your spouse.
It brings you emotionally close to each other as your spouse feels loved when you share his\her work willingly.
4. Be adjustable
When your wife wants to watch her favorite soaps, give her the remote. It makes her feel pampered.
When your husband wants to watches his favorite sports, allow him to do so. It makes him relax.
Your spouse need not do things the way you like. His\her way of doing things will be completely different. You must overlook it.
Never try to change your spouse according to your liking.
This is one of the top reasons why you are bored with your marriage.
Adjustment does away with many relationship issues between you.
5.Spend quality time together
Most of you never really spend time together.
You do your thing and your spouse does his\her own.
You would be surprised if you notice how much time both spend away from each other.
Don’t do that.
Go for long walks. Don’t discuss family issues on the way as you end up fighting.
Choose programs that interest both of you. Watch it together.
Comedy shows enlivens your time as you can laugh together.
Sitting in close proximity with your spouse makes you feel cozy and good.
6.Celebrate special days
Birthdays of your spouse and your wedding anniversary, are all occasions where you can show your love.
Do not overlook the birthday of your spouse as a routine day. Plan it beforehand and involve your children.
Spring loving surprise on your spouse by buying gifts which he\she longed for.
It instantly drives away boredom from your marriage.
7.Keep your love alive
Go through your marriage photos frequently.
Visit places you haunted during your dating days.
Brings back nostalgic memories of your D day, you know.
Keep appreciating your spouse. This aspect makes your relationship feel new.
8.Enjoy unique we time
Plan a date without your children.
Just the two of you.
Your parents can take care of your children.
The anticipation for your planned date makes you feel like newlywed.
The exclusive we-time you enjoy will drive boredom away from your married life.
9.Go for candle light dinner
Candle light dinner makes you feel like lovers.
The dim light stirs in the feeling of romance in you.
You feel bored with your marriage when the element of romance becomes non-existent in your relationship.
Bring it in.
10.Do shopping together
Shopping together makes you unwind your tired mind.
Buying things for the family you happy. Shopping within budget is very essential as otherwise both end in an accusing game of wanton spending.
CONCLUSION
It is up to you to make your marriage interesting and involving. When you take your spouse for granted, your marriage slips into aggravated resentment and discontentment.
If you ignore the sensitiveness of your spouse, he\she will also become insensitive.
If you thrust your tension and stress on your spouse you will experience the same from her\him. If you draw away from your spouse, she\he too draws away from you.
Have reciprocal transparency in your relationship. Laugh together. Support each other.
Friendliness, tolerating faults of your spouse, sharing emotions, compatibility and relentless emotional support are qualities which makes your marriage ever new.
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