Most of you feel that there is complete lack of happiness in your marriage, don’t you?
Though you married out of intense love for each other, you wonder why your relationship struggles to find happiness.
You would give anything to know why you feel so, don’t you?
Yes!
Happiness seems to be the most eluding element in many modern marriages.
“I feel very unhappy with my married life aunty” Abi, my friend’s daughter told me.
“Why do you say so Abi?” I asked the young girl worryingly.
She had been married only for four years. And to feel unhappy with her married life at such an initial stage of her marriage sounded strange to me.
“I am bored with the routineness I face in my married life aunty” Abi looked glum.
“We do the same things day in and day out. There is nothing new in our relationship to feel excited about. We also have lot of differences in our characteristics” Abi went on.
“The habits of my husband infuriate me no end. But my husband says that it is I who has filthy habits. And we perpetually fight to decide who is in the right and who is in the wrong. How can you expect me to be happy with my married life when there is nothing worth the name in it?” Abi sighed unhappily.
I could only pity the young girl. She is just one among the millions of couples who feel unhappy in their married life.
Why is it most of you lack happiness in your marriage?
1. Idealistic expectations
The first and foremost reason for lack of happiness in your marriage are your idealistic and rosy expectations.
Yes!
You have lot of expectations about your spouse when you enter into your married life. The sad thing is that your expectations are based on your personal wishes and whims.
You have certain dreams about your spouse. And when he\she never lives up to your dreams you are emotionally shattered.
You never realize that your spouse too has dreams about you. And that he\she too feels disappointed that you do not live up to his\her expectations.
The simple trick to overcome this problem is to lower your expectations.
When you do so, you can feel happy and content with your spouse for what he\she is.
2. Taking your marriage lightly
Most of you never really realize that marriage is a huge commitment.
You do not also realize that your life during your love days and your life after your marriage are two different things.
You are stunned by the lifestyle changes you undergo after your marriage.
You never realized that your married life would be such a long and endless procession of responsibilities and commitments.
You had dreamt that your relationship after marriage would be as rosy as your dating days. But you are taken aback when your honeymoon days are short lived and brief.
The euphoric glow of love you had about your spouse soon loses its sheen when you realize that you have tons of responsibilities in your married life.
Commitments and responsibilities are rather boring, isn’t it?
It saps your energy and makes your interaction with your spouse highly confrontational and argumentative.
So, never understanding the volume of your responsibilities is also one of the reasons for lack of happiness in your marriage.
3. Wanting your spouse to be your Xerox copy
Most of you want your spouse to do things the way you want him\her to.
You want your spouse to dress according to your liking.
You want him\her to do things the way you like.
You want your spouse to tow your line of thinking.
This mindset is wrong as it will definitely lead to clashes between you. Your spouse will revolt if you try to intrude into his\her individuality.
Can you see that lack of happiness in your married life has everything to do with your mindset of trying to change your spouse according to your liking?
Never ever dream that your spouse will be your clone.
Learn the trick of accepting your spouse as he\she is.
If you do so, you can instantly overcome lack of happiness in your marriage.
4. Taking everything personally
When your spouse utters harsh words, you are naturally hurt. But you also make the mistake of taking every argument that your spouse has with you too personally.
When you take literal meaning to everything your spouse utters against you as a personal insult, it makes you argue with him\her for innocuous reasons.
In your resentment against your spouse, you fight like guttersnipes. You sulk for days. You extend your fight for days as if you were enemies. You backbite about your spouse with your friends\family\colleagues.
Can you see that when you take the words your spouse utters in anger too personally, it creates a big rift between you?
You store resentment against your spouse as you find it impossible to forgive the hurt, he\she inflicts on you.
You constantly scan your spouse to catch him\her red handed in his\her faults. When you focused on finding faults with your spouse you will find it impossible to be happy with him\her.
Never take every word uttered by your spouse as a personal insult to you.
Understand that your spouse might be just letting off his\her steam.
5. Being too egoistic
Being egoistic is another root cause for lack of happiness in your marriage
When you are egoistic, you find it impossible to adjust to your spouse. You want your wish to be the final verdict.
You feel you are always right and your spouse is always wrong.
You never apologize for the wrong you do as you feel you cannot stoop down to say I am sorry.
Ego destroys happiness in your marriage in a telling way.
Conclusion
“In a happy marriage it is the wife who provides the climate, the husband the landscape.” – Gerald Brenan
Can you see that lack of happiness in your marriage is a byproduct of your wrong approach to it?
Enjoying a happy marriage has nothing to do with your intelligence or efficiency. It has everything to do with your common sense and practical outlook.
Most of you feel your married life lacks happiness, because you think that your spouse has changed for the worse after marriage. Your spouse also feels that you have totally changed- for the worse of course.
Would it surprise you when I say that you are searching for happiness when it is right before you?
To feel happy in your relationship depends on the way you see your spouse as your better half and not as your bitter half.
As it has always been said, happiness is a mindset. Your mindset to feel happy with the small things your marriage is gifted is the key to open the door way to big happiness in your marriage.
I have started a new Youtube channel “Marriage Realities”
It is a comprehensive relationship channel which deals with the many of the common relationship issues couples face.
Here is the link to my channel!
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNrT3KOkTU5ITQMyYnVsxGQ
Subscribe to “Marriage Realities” to understand your marriage in a new light.
You will find many videos which will be an answer to many of your relationship problems.
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