The relationship lessons you learn too late makes you cringe in agony that you never really understood your spouse.
How does this happen to your marriage?
When you marry, you are intensely in love with your spouse. You go all out to show your love for him\her. You also build a lot of dreams around your spouse. You are smug that nothing could go wrong in your relationship. But as days go by, there is an about turn in your attitude towards your spouse.
You are no longer enamoured by your spouse. You actually find it hard to adjust with him\her. You now go all out to show your dissent to him\her.
Relationship problems between you is no longer mild and revocable. It becomes venomous and hostile. You find it impossible to live with your spouse. Your marriage now definitely totters towards failure.
You have two choices before you.
One choice is to divorce your spouse to get away from a relationship you hate. The other choice is to live a married life of non-communicative and unloving co-existence.
“I think I made a blunder in divorcing my husband” Salima, a young girl I knew told me.
“It has been two years since I divorced my husband. Now I feel I never really understood him. I was very impatient and looked at everything from my point of view. Now I feel very bad to have ruined my marriage” the young girl looked dejected and depressed.
I could only sympathize with her.
In modern age, most couples find divorce an easy option.
When you divorce your spouse, your initial feelings is that you have done the right thing. But as days go by, you feel something missing in your life. You now think that you have done a grave mistake in divorcing your spouse.
Yes!
Relationship lessons you learn too late turns your marriage into shambles. You now break your head that you could have understood your spouse in the proper perspective.
What exactly are the relationship lessons you learn too late – Note the no 5 reason
1. I could have adjusted
When you have misunderstanding with your spouse, you do not want to adjust with him\her. So, you make much ado about whatever your spouse does.
Shall we see how?
You find the habits of your spouse irritating.
You dislike his\her way of doing things.
You never agree to the decisions of your spouse as you feel it is no good.
You pick up petty fights with him\her for the most innocuous reasons. Your petty fights soon develop into major fights. Your major fights make you feel that you can no longer co-exist with your spouse.
You finally opt for divorce. But after a few years, you learn a late relationship lesson.
“My spouse was not that bad. He\she had many good qualities. It is I who made the blunder of making much ado about his\her minor faults.”
Too late a realization, isn’t it?
2. I could have accepted
After your marriage, you never accept your spouse as he\she is.
You want to change him\her according to your liking.
You want to change his\her way of dressing.
You do not accept many things your spouse does.
There are times you do not accept his\her work timings also.
You do not accept his\her family.
You do not accept his\her friends.
This causes intense bitterness between you.
But after separating from your spouse, you learn your relationship lessons too late.
“I should have accepted my spouse as he\she is.”
3. I could have understood
You never really understood your spouse when you were together.
When he\she was angry, you never understood the reason behind his\her anger. You always assumed that his\her display of anger was an open show of his\her lack of love for you.
You never understood that your spouse needed your emotional support. You never understood that it takes two to make your marriage work.
But, after the damage has been done, you learn your relationship lessons too late.
“If only I understood my spouse better, I could have saved my marriage.”
4. I could have overlooked
You are keyed up by the minor faults of your spouse. You fight with him\her for innocuous reasons. You are always on the watch out to catch your spouse red-handed in his\her mistakes.
You turn your spouse into a culprit for all your family issues.
Finally looking back on your failed marriage, you have yet another relationship lessons learned too late.
“If only I overlooked the mistakes of my spouse I could avoided divorcing him\her.”
5. I could have waited
When you have relationship problems with your spouse, you just cannot wait to get a divorce. You feel you cannot live a single day with him\her.
You are not ready for any compromise.
In fact, you are in a frenzied hurry to separate from your spouse. You are all smiles when you are granted the divorce you so craved for.
But after a few days, you feel amputated. “Have I done something wrong?’ you ask yourself an umpteenth time.
You now have to deal with yet another relationship lessons you learn too late.
“I could have waited patiently for things to settle down. I have been too impatient.”
CONCLUSION
Marriage is not an easy joke. When you expect your marriage to work according to your liking, it never happens. Unless you make adjustments with your spouse, your relationship will flop.
The sad thing is that when you finally realize your mistakes, everything about your marriage is over.
Simmy Xavier says
Hi Mam,
Happened to read your blog..its very intresting to read about various topics.
Mam, if possible could you also write about the role of a parent post marriage of their sons…bcoz nowa days I feel many parents retire at a very young age, immediately after their first child begins to earn – post which they jst sit n spend their time only in relaxing mode….their children out of ther innocense would have told them to stop working…..but now its biting them as these parents neither work, nor help in taking care of grndchildren or help adult children in small ways they can – they are only on the receiving end and once the children marry and have have children of their own and find their parents only in demanding mode….and having many more years to live….they wonder if what they did was wrong….could you please elaborate on this subject mam.
Mathi says
Hi Xavier,
It is true that there are parents who want their children to help them financially after they start working. But not all parents are like that. The relationship between parents and children has become warring. You say that parents should help in looking after their grandchildren and help adult children. Parents work themselves threadbare to make their children self sufficient. After the marriage of their children they deserve a rest. They have aged and do not have the capacity to be as brisk and agile as before. This is something adult children never understand.
But it is wrong if parents become demanding and want to fleece their children just because they earn well. This is the reason parents should be self sufficient financially. There should be spacing with each living in their own space. Adult children should not expect their parents to be a nannny to their children and parents should not consider their earning daughter or son as their ATM card.
You have given me a wonderful subject and I will defintely write elaborately about it.
Simmy Xavier says
Thanks for your reply, Mam. Definitely waiting to hear more from you…hope you cover all aspects of today’s generation.