Do you know you need the support of your in-laws to make your married stress free?
In fact, you are very wary of them. You can never think that your in-laws can be supportive and helpful.
“My sister-in-law took care of my children when I went abroad because of my work. I do not know what I would have done if she was not so caring about me” Selvi, my neighbor’s daughter told me.
“Not only this aunty. She also takes care of my toddler daughter when I go to work. I never worry about my daughter when I am in the office as she is in the safe hands of my sister-in-law,” she continued.
I was so used to hearing negative comments about in-laws. And Selvi’s positive comments about her in-laws came as a pleasant surprise to me.
So, good relationship with your in-laws is very possible. And in marriage, you definitely need the support of your in-laws.
Why do you need the support of your in-laws?
When you have a hostile attitude towards your in-laws, it creates lots of unwanted tension in your relationship with your spouse.
Your spouse hates it when you are unfriendly with his\her parents\siblings.
Your in laws are after all the parents\siblings of your spouse and so very close to his\her heart, aren’t they?
Your spouse cannot completely sever his\her relationship with your in-laws just because you do not like them. Whether you like it or not, your spouse loves his\her family.
Naturally your spouse wants you to accept them as your family also.
Of course, you cannot love your in-laws as you do your family. But at least you can be friendly with them. As you mature in age, life will teach you that you need the support of your in-laws.
So, you must forgo your reservations about them and try to be friendly.
What exactly are the ways to have good relationship with your in-laws?
Your cordial relationship with your in-laws makes your spouse feel relaxed and peaceful. So, you win more of his\her love.
Your in-laws can be your best friends and well-wishers also.
When you are friendly with them, you can depend on them to help you when you need it. Your children too love their grandparents\aunts\uncles.
Does your relationship with your in- laws contribute to the happiness of your marriage?
They do not directly contribute to the happiness of your marriage. But when you have good relationship with them, it does indirectly help your married life.
‘How can they help my marriage?
‘In fact, there is an undercurrent of hostility emanating from them regarding me. I too want to see their back when they come to visit us’ you are indignant at the suggestion that you need the support of your in- laws.
You must understand that just like you, your spouse loves his\her family. When you show hostility towards them, he\she is angry by your behavior. He\she shows it by distancing himself\herself from you. His\her hurt is that deep.
When you treat your in-laws as your enemy, your spouse feels frustrated and helpless.
Why are you so averse towards your in-laws?
Your in-laws are envious of you when you enter into the life of your spouse with more rights than they have. Your spouse was all theirs before you came into his\her life. So, your in-laws feel that you have created a great rift between them and their son\daughter.
This is the main reason your in-laws show resentment against you.
You too refuse to accept your in-laws as your family. You keep comparing them with your parents. And you feel your in-laws are no match to your parents.
And after your marriage, you want your spouse all for yourself. You would not share him\her with his\her family.
In your obsessive possessiveness towards your spouse you feel your in-laws are not part of your family.
So, both are wary of each other for different reasons.
Do you know both are wrong in being hostile towards each other?
Joint family is the main reason for the conflict you face with your in-laws. Relationship thrives only when there is spacing. When you live with your in-laws, you are angry that you cannot enjoy privacy with your spouse.
Your in-laws are present everywhere in your day-to-day life. You are constantly under a scanner.
When living in a joint family forces your in-laws into your married life, you do not like it. You feel that your freedom is curtailed and reduced by their interference. Your mind aches for freedom.
This instills a feeling of hostility against them. Your independent mind revolts against their intrusion into your family life.
You want to spend quality personal moments with your spouse. You want to bring up your children, as you want to. You want to dress as you wish to.
These are your basic wishes in your marriage, isn’t it?
You feel your in-laws are obstruction to all your basic wishes.
But, however much you dislike them, you cannot throw them away from your married life. They are your extended family. They play a very crucial role in your relationship. You should accept the fact that your spouse loves his\her family.
You adore your family but never understand that it is the same with your spouse. You argue and fight with your spouse about them. You always have a list of complaints against them.
The behavior of a wife with her in-laws
Your wife never allows you to help your family financially as she feels they are leeching you off your money.
She feels you love your parents\siblings more than you love her.
Your wife is indignant when you do not question the intrusion of your family into your personal life.
She never feels she can feel like a family with your parents.
Husband with his in-laws
Your husband finds it difficult to have friendly conversation with your family. But he lets you enjoy your time with them by keeping himself occupied with other things.
He allows you to help your family financially which you do not do.
In fact, both have lots of reservations about your in-laws. And both have a wrong attitude towards each other’s family.
Do you think that your children need just you and your spouse?
You need the support of your extended family to give your own family the beauty of absolute and complete family bond.
Your children should have good relationship with their grandmother, grandfather, aunts, uncles and their children. Good interaction with them molds their character. It makes them understand the happiness of sharing.
The support of all family members implies you have an army of well-wishers and supporters in your times of need.
It is true that too much interference from your in-laws makes your marriage tensed. You need not bear their interference. This is the reason you should set clear boundaries so that they realize their limitations.
When you do it, there is enough spacing between you. It now becomes easier for you to be friendly with your in-laws.
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