Emotional intelligence in marriage is like oxygen to your relationship.
‘The emotionally intelligent person is skilled in four areas: identifying emotions, using emotions, understanding emotions and regulating emotions’. – John Mayer
Do you know most modern marriages fail drastically because couples do not know the importance of emotional intelligence?
What exactly does emotional intelligence in marriage mean?
- It is your ability to understand the emotions of your spouse from his\her viewpoint.
- It is your capacity to make your spouse understand your emotions from your viewpoint.
- It is your skill to channelize your emotions in the right way to make your spouse happy and content in your relationship.
- It is your gift to realize that your spouse is an individual. So you accept him\her for what he\she is.
What happens when you are not emotionally intelligent?
- You never understand the emotional needs of your spouse. This makes him\her angry and frustrated.
- You are unable to convey your emotional needs to your spouse which makes you unhappy and miserable.
When both are sad and frustrated in your relationship, you cannot really enjoy your married life, can you?
Your relationship with your spouse is an emotional battle, 24\7. So, the way you handle your emotions decides the happiness quotient of your married life.
Love is a positive emotion. Care and affection for your spouse are also constructive emotions. But these emotions are mostly unused and underplayed in your married life.
Hatred and resentment are very negative and destructive emotions. But you let these emotions dominate your relationship.
You are resentful and angry by the way your spouse treats you. You feel that your spouse is uncaring, irresponsible, and insensitive towards you. Your spouse also has the same thoughts about you.
You are very adamant about your rights. You do not realize that you cannot command and demand love and attention.
You see everything from your angle. You do not have the patience to understand your spouse from his\her angle.
This makes your married life an emotional store house of anger, resentment, and bitterness against your spouse.
What happens when there is no emotional intelligence in marriage?
- You lose the sparkle in your relationship very soon.
- Your interaction with your spouse becomes dull, routine, and very mundane.
- You become more of strangers.
- You have to censor your words.
- You lack transparency in your interaction.
- You search for topics to converse with your spouse.
Can you see how much your lack of emotional intelligence plays havoc in your relationship?
Emotional intelligence in marriage is a wonder medicine to many of your relationship problems.
- Switch to the side of your spouse to see things from his\her point of view- Top notch life saver of your marriage.
- Understand that your spouse is an individual- A quality which makes you have fewer expectations about him\her.
- Know the trick to channelize your emotions – No unwanted anger and hostility
- Your spouse is prone to emotional swings – After all he\she is very human.
- Don’t construe too much inner and hidden meaning into words spoken in anger – It is meaningless and very superficial.
- Never assume negative meaning in his\her non- interaction –Tiredness from a hectic work schedule might be the reason for his\her silence.
- Control your negative and angry reactions – Does away with tons of unwanted resentment.
- Adjust to the faults of your spouse – Never make a big deal about it.
- Don’t feel egoistic to own up your mistakes – Makes your spouse respect you.
- Never degrade your spouse – Makes him\her feel terribly hurt.
- Never intrude into the personal zone of your spouse – He\she does not like it.
- Forget your arguments immediately – No storing it in your mind for future reference.
- Forgive your spouse when he\she apologizes – Don’t continue the war.
- Explain your viewpoint to your spouse in a reasonable manner – Makes you feel relaxed.
- Inform your spouse about what you are going to do – Does away with unwanted suspicion.
Your success in your job is like mathematics. You have a formula to do your work with proficiency. When you understand the formula, your success falls into its slot.
What is the nature of emotions?
It swings from the one extreme to another. They are not stable. This is the reason you find it impossible to truly understand your spouse.
Both should never move in opposite directions.
If you do so, the gap between you widens until one day you lose sight of each other. Move towards your spouse so that you see everything from his\her angle.
When you are emotionally intelligent, you change for the better.
Love and care between you does not evolve on its own. You cannot sit back and be smug that your marriage will work by itself. You have to contribute towards it. You have to put your heart and soul to make a success of your marriage.
Emotional intelligence in marriage helps you to steer your relationship out of troubled waters.
Practice it. Feel the positive difference in your interaction. Enjoy your married life, as it should be. Unless there are speed breakers to your negative emotions, your marriage cannot last.