What exactly does seven stages of marriage mean?
Your marriage undergoes many changes as years go by. Each stage takes your relationship to a next emotional changeover.
Initially, your relationship with your spouse is passionate. It is the honeymoon phase of your marriage. It is an exciting phase. You dream that this phase will continue forever. But, it is the shortest phase of your married life.
‘The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.’ –Peter De Vries
The seven stages of marriage brings in different changes in your emotions towards your spouse.
Yes.
Your attitude towards him\her undergoes many changes as years pass by. You change according to the problems you face in the various stages of your marriage.
It is really fascinating to walk through the seven stages of your marriage – More like watching a
thriller, you know.
1. The first stage of attraction
This is the most wonderful period of your married life.
- You are physically as well as emotionally attracted to your spouse.
- The days you spend together are full of fun and delightful discovery of each other.
- You laugh a lot and you are very indulgent towards each other.
- You easily overlook the faults of your spouse. You never make a big deal out of it.
- You spend quality time together.
- You find your spouse very attractive.
‘I am very lucky to have married her\him’ is your confirmed opinion. This is the best phase of your seven stages of marriage.
Is your fervent love for each other going to continue forever?
We have to move on to the next stage if you must know the answer.
2. The second stage of mild disappointment
The passion in your marriage slowly disappears. You begin to feel that your spouse is not perfect.
Minor differences of opinion crop up between you. You frequently argue with him\her. There are many aspects of your spouse that you find exasperating and irritating.
You are infuriated with your husband for many innocuous reasons
- My husband is shabby
- He slurps noisily while eating
- He leaves things strewn around the house.
- He snores loudly in sleep
- My husband is not up to my standard.
You find your wife a tedious bore for silly reasons
- My wife is not as attractive as I thought her to be.
- She is not feminine
- She talks too loudly and is very bossy.
- She is too concerned with her looks, and does not care to keep the house neat.
- She is very nagging.
These disappointments make you edgy and frustrated.
It is the beginning stage of feeling miserable that you have hurried into a marriage with someone who is not suited to you.
3. The third stage of arguments and differences of opinion
Now you are confirmed that your spouse is not the person you loved. Your tastes differ too much and both do agree on anything.
- Your wife feels you are wet blanket.
- Your husband feels you are a shrew.
- Both have differences of opinion in almost everything.
- You are an introvert while your spouse is an extrovert.
- You want quiet while your spouse is garrulous and talkative.
You are now very unhappy about your marriage.
This is the most traumatic of the seven stages of marriage.
4. The fourth stage of commitment
You now have children. You feel very responsible towards them.
Your attention now shifts to earning more money. You also buy many status symbol things as you feel it will compensate for the lack of love in your marriage.
You now enjoy a good standard of living.
Your financial commitments increases. So, you need the financial help of your spouse to meet out repayments, your children’s education, and other installments.
Both put your heads together and discuss about the means to meet your responsibilities.
Your marriage has now become mechanical and business like.
You want to give the best to your children. So, you work yourself threadbare to achieve your financial dream. You become emotionless and robotic.
There is no laughter at your home. Whenever you talk with your spouse, you are very matter of fact. Your interaction with him\her is invariably very mundane and very routine.
5. The fifth stage of disharmony
You are flooded by added family commitments. You are terribly stressed and tensed to fulfill these responsibilities.
You feel your spouse is not responsible.
Your mind seethes in anger and frustration that your spouse is callous and insensitive towards you.
Your love no longer shines, but flickers in its last stages.
‘I live with him\her for the sake of children’.
You are always edgy and irritated by the family issues that seem to plague you. Both play the accusing game to perfection. You are sure that you are the martyr of the family.
6. The sixth stage of reconciliation
You now accept that you cannot get out of your marriage.
‘My focus is my children and I must stay with my spouse as I do not want them to feel emotionally insecure.’
You go out as a family to make your children happy.
You cannot always keep fighting before your children, can you?
So, you maintain the stalemate of being tolerant towards your spouse.
You do have arguments, but you also interact with your spouse for the sake of your children.
Your children become the anchor of your marriage. You now reconcile yourself to your spouse.
7. The final of the seven stages of marriage – rediscovering lost love.
Your children grow up and leave you to lead a life of their own.
You are dazed by the practicality with which your children depart from you to begin a new life.
Now, you are alone with your spouse. You look at him\her with rediscovered love. You feel you have wasted your married life in petty arguments and had hurt each other unnecessarily.
You now realize that though your children are from you, they are not for you.
‘It is my spouse who will be with me until the day I live. How could I have ignored him\her all through these years? How did I not know about her\his importance in my life?’
‘If only I get a chance of living my married life again I would shower my spouse with love. I would make my marriage the best thing that happened to me’.
You think back at your lost love days with nostalgia and look at your spouse with renewed love.
Ultimately, your marriage reaches its final destination of renewed love.
Conclusion
Can you see how these seven stages of marriage are uniquely individualistic?
You learn precious lessons from it.
Hold the hands of your spouse throughout these seven stages of marriage, so that you understand the true meaning of love and adjustment in your relationship.
If you let go your marriage in any one of the early stages, the distinctive and emotional seventh stage of your marriage will not be yours.
It is a period of mellow love and compatible companionship between both. Your aged mind and body realizes that your spouse will be your only resolute companion until the day you live.
Maharajan says
Nice, should be read by singles also to get an insight. 👍
Mathi says
Thank you, Annachi.