The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflict has many astonishing reasons.
You might be a modern Westerner, or you might be a traditional Asian. Your origin of birth is not an issue at all.
It is because the conflict between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law is universal, all over the world, irrespective of country, caste or creed.
Yes!
The war between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law is centuries old, and will also prevail over many centuries to come.
What could the real reasons behind the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflict?
Why does a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law have such never ending battle between them?
A mother-in-law is a woman and a daughter-in-law is also a woman. And it is said that only a woman understands the problem of a woman.
If this is right, a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law should get along like crazy, isn’t it?
But in reality, both war with each other as though they have gone crazy.
What could be the reasons behind it?
The reason why the two women fight, is because of their perpetual competition for the love for one person.
The son of the mother and husband of the wife – a helpless man caught in between two warring women.
The wife wants the love of her husband all for herself, and the mother wants the love of her son all for herself.
Both would not budge from their war to be the topmost person in that one man’s life.
The expectations of a mother-in-law
The mother brings up her son as her own life. She builds many dreams around him. And the mother wants her son to have the best of everything.
The son before his marriage, is rather addicted to his mother, more like a small boy. To him, his mother is an angel who looks after all his needs, selflessly and with utmost affection.
So, his mother becomes the world to him, literally. The clinging nature of her son, makes the mother literally float in a dream world that he will forever continue to look upon her for everything.
The expectations of a daughter-in-law
You should also know about the mindset of a daughter-in-law before marriage.
A daughter- in-law also has many dreams about her husband. She wants to be the top priority in her husband’s life.
She wants her husband to love her, cherish her and show her that she was his world.
And before marriage, everything seems fine between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law.
Or is it?
There is a definite undercurrent of hostility between them even before marriage, though both would not agree to it.
And after marriage, a cold war between a mother-in-law and a daughter in law sprouts its tender shoot, almost immediately.
The mother is taken aback when her son seems to be mesmerized by his wife. Her darling son spends most of his time with his wife.
And the mother’s world come crashing to her feet, when she feels that her son is drifting away from her. Her son is no longer her kid son. He has become the husband of her daughter-in-law.
Her son feels, that he is affectionate towards his mother, as he was before his marriage.
But to his mother, everything seems to have changed, for the worse of course. She feels that there is a definite gap developing between her and her son.
Her son does not spend that much of time with her.
He no longer comes to her for advice.
Her son no longer seeks her for help.
He does not ask her to cook his favorite dishes.
“Where is my son, who looked upon me for everything” the mother is traumatized.
Now, let us see how a daughter-in-law feels about the relationship between her mother-in-law and her husband.
Though the mother thinks that her son has changed, it is strange that her daughter-in-law feels that her husband has not changed.
The daughter in law feels that her husband is still a mama’s boy. She is angry that her husband does not understand that his life is now with her, and not with his mother.
“Why does my husband still act as though his mother means more than me to him” daughter-in-law literally fumes to herself.
Mother-in-law is not to be left behind.
“Why does not my son understand that it was I who brought him up and that his wife has just come to reap the harvest of my upbringing” she fumes unhappily.
Can you see that the seed to the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter in law is the son of the mother and the husband of the wife?
Why cannot the mother and the wife understand, that the love her son or husband has for them is two different genres?
Until the world exists, it will not happen.
Not until God changes the characteristics of a woman.
The core reason behind the conflicts between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law is the nature of a woman.
Possessive, jealous and territorial.
Yes!
Basically, a woman is territorial and possessive. She will not let go what she feels is hers.
Let us see through an example.
Have you seen the behavior of the lion in the jungle?
He marks his territory through his urine. It is a warning to other lions not to dare enter his territory.
This is the characteristic of a woman also. When a woman loves her husband, she loves him to the skies. But with the catch. He is only for her.
Likewise, a mother loves her son like her own life. And when another woman tries to get predominance over her, she feels she should fight for the topmost position.
With two women vying to be the priority of his life, the poor husband\son is at his wits end, not knowing whether to support his mother, or to support his wife.
He knows that if he supports his mother, his wife would pulverize him. He also knows that if he supports his wife, his mother would be up in arms against him.
The husband\son pulls his hair in desperation, not knowing which way he should go.
So, he stays in the middle, not in his mother’s side, nor in his wife’s side.
By being like this, he feels there will be some sort of peace between his mother and wife. But all he wins is the wrath of his wife, and that of his mother.
Wife terms her husband as spineless, and mother terms her son as a slave to his wife.
The son is sandwiched between his mother and wife. His world becomes an adjusting game of switching sides, as might the situation demands.
It would be nice if the mother-in-law withdraws from her boxing arena for upper hand in her son’s life.
Nothing of this sort will happen.
Or, it would be nice if the daughter-in-law realizes that the love her husband has for his mother is entirely different from the love, he has for her.
This too will never happen.
On the hindsight, it would be better if the son puts a full stop to the fight his mother and his wife have by explaining that he loves them both, equally.
This too will not happen.
The son\husband will keep switching sides, to save himself from being battered by his mother\wife.
Conclusion
So, this war between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will never end.
The least both can do, is to keep a safe and dignified distance from each other.
This would make the poor son\husband at least have some peace in his life.
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